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In the often unintelligible acronym- and jargon-crazed world of Work and Pensions Questions, no-one could accuse the right-wing Tory Philip Davies of not telling it like he thinks it is.

Golf: Woods to earn $90m in new clothing deal

TIGER WOODS took a giant step to becoming golf's first dollar billionaire yesterday. The world No 1 has more than doubled his clothing contract with Nike and will receive close to $90m (pounds 56m) over the next five years.

Time bandits

Rich people love them. Celebrities adore them. Adventurers won't leave home without them. Sadly, they're also the mugger's watch of choice. What is it about a Rolex?

Robber snatches diamond Rolex

A ROBBER wrenched a diamond-encrusted Rolex from a businessman's wrist as he sat in the back of a car with his children, Scotland Yard said. Officers believe the suspect could have followed the man from a theatre in London's West End and waited while he went to a restaurant before striking just after midnight on Sunday.

The hard cell

IT'S HELL up here, in the monastic cell, trying to turn syllables into school fees. What on earth makes columnists want to write books? Sure, sure, it's all words, but so is politics and at least if you're a politician you get to bluster and tell lies and travel Club Class in a smart grey suit with all the other catastrophic losers, sitting there on their worthless arses trying to pretend that being offered Champagne and pillows by hard-faced young women in on-the-knee skirts is an everyday occurrence. Club Class will be the first thing to go when I am Supreme Ruler. My Honesty in Advertising Act will deal with it instantly, by making it compulsory for all advertisers to say what's really in their mind.

Woman, 94, has Rolex snatched from her wrist

THE 94-YEAR-OLD mother of Hollywood film directors Tony and Ridley Scott has been attacked by burglars who broke into one of her sons' homes and snatched a pounds 6,000 Rolex from her wrist.

Police decoys with Rolexes try to trap `Who's Who' muggers

UNDERCOVER POLICE officers wearing expensive wrist watches have been deployed by Scotland Yard to tackle a spate of so-called "Rolex robberies" aimed at the rich and famous.

You need never be guilty again

TOO LATE for me, of course; and before you start gloating and saying we don't like to say we told you so, but we told you so, it's bad living that's done it, you can't say you weren't warned, we bet you're sorry now ... well, it's too late for you, too.

Is it time to get a Gaydar?

I CAN'T get my mind round the job. It's difficult enough settling to one's work after a holiday in the normal course of things - that post- break anticlimax is one of the greatest robber of man-hours on the planet - but after two weeks hanging around with a gay couple on one of Europe's premier resort islands, all I can do is swivel my Gaydar.

Golf: Sandelin makes Ryder Cup team

JARMO SANDELIN secured his Ryder Cup place in dramatic style at the German Open here yesterday.

Why did she waste the money I gave her?; Dilemmas

Linda's friend, Teresa, is too proud to lower her prices as a cook, or to ask her ex-husband for support for her kids. When she was broke and worried about mortgage repayments, Linda gave her pounds 1,000 from a windfall. Now Linda's upset to find Teresa's spent the money on a holiday

Fraudsters' gain, our loss

Why insurance fraud is not a victimless crime. By Paul Slade

Sport on TV: Alien invasion of the Rolex-wearing Bosmanoids

NOW WE are at the stage where never a weekend goes by, for this observer at least, with at least one more foreign journeyman making his debut, it is hard not to conclude that the Bosman ruling was A Very Bad Thing.

Television: Hot sex in the animal kingdom

Daringly, The Bill (ITV) ventured into the shower at a women's prison, where an inmate made a pass at an undercover police officer. There was quite a bit of advance publicity about this, yet lesbianism is not exactly new to pre-watershed drama. Emmerdale and Brookside paved the way, while EastEnders has always had its share of gay men. Even Coronation Street has a transsexual, and there are signs that, with barely 11 months to spare, the venerable soap is finally moving into the late 20th century. An Asian family is at long last taking root in Weatherfield, and mark my words, lesbians won't be far behind.

Secretarial: The Temp What the chauffeur saw

PAUL THE chauffeur and I have struck up a bit of a friendship, mostly because we spend a lot of time sitting around with mugs of coffee in the kitchen waiting for Oscar, who always calls for the car an hour before he really needs it. I wasn't sure about Paul at first - thought he was pretty dour - but that's mostly because I've never had a friend with a ginger moustache before, and I gather now that a ginger moustache is almost compulsory if you want to join The Regiment, which I think is the phrase that a particular type of soldier uses to avoid saying "SAS". Paul's over 40 now; he got out of The Regiment nearly a decade ago and set himself up as a chauffeur-bodyguard and security adviser.

Head to head: Beyond the pale

Has the fake winter tan had its day? Eve Pollard says at her age she needs all the help she can get, while Magenta Devine steers clear of the leather look
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John Rees-Evans is standing for Ukip in Cardiff South and Penarth
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Bianca Miller and Katie Bulmer-Cooke are scrutinised by Lord Sugar's aide Nick Hewer on The Apprentice final
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Surrounded by high-rise flats is a little house filled with Lebanon’s history - clocks, rifles, frogmen’s uniforms and colonial helmets

Clocks, rifles, swords, frogmen’s uniforms

Surrounded by high-rise flats is a little house filled with Lebanon’s history
Return to Gaza: Four months on, the wounds left by Israel's bombardment have not yet healed

Four months after the bombardment, Gaza’s wounds are yet to heal

Kim Sengupta is reunited with a man whose plight mirrors the suffering of the Palestinian people
Gastric surgery: Is it really the answer to the UK's obesity epidemic?

Is gastric surgery really the answer to the UK's obesity epidemic?

Critics argue that it’s crazy to operate on healthy people just to stop them eating
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Homeless Veterans appeal: Christmas charity auction

Bid on original art, or trips of a lifetime to Africa or the 'Corrie' set, and help Homeless Veterans
Pantomime rings the changes to welcome autistic theatre-goers

Autism-friendly theatre

Pantomime leads the pack in quest to welcome all
The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

Sony suffered a chorus of disapproval after it withdrew 'The Interview', but it's not too late for it to take a stand, says Joan Smith
From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Panto dames: before and after

From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?
Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Booksellers say readers are turning away from dark modern thrillers and back to the golden age of crime writing
Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best,' says founder of JustGiving

Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best'

Ten million of us have used the JustGiving website to donate to good causes. Its co-founder says that being dynamic is as important as being kind
The botanist who hunts for giant trees at Kew Gardens

The man who hunts giants

A Kew Gardens botanist has found 25 new large tree species - and he's sure there are more out there
The 12 ways of Christmas: Spare a thought for those who will be working to keep others safe during the festive season

The 12 ways of Christmas

We speak to a dozen people who will be working to keep others safe, happy and healthy over the holidays
Birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends, new study shows

The male exhibits strange behaviour

A new study shows that birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends...
Diaries of Evelyn Waugh, Virginia Woolf and Noël Coward reveal how they coped with the December blues

Famous diaries: Christmas week in history

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From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

The great tradition of St Paul and Zola reached its nadir with a hungry worker's rant to Russell Brand, says DJ Taylor
A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore: A prodigal daughter has a breakthrough

A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore

The story was published earlier this month in 'Poor Souls' Light: Seven Curious Tales'