News

In the often unintelligible acronym- and jargon-crazed world of Work and Pensions Questions, no-one could accuse the right-wing Tory Philip Davies of not telling it like he thinks it is.

Time bandits

Rich people love them. Celebrities adore them. Adventurers won't leave home without them. Sadly, they're also the mugger's watch of choice. What is it about a Rolex?

Golf: Woods to earn $90m in new clothing deal

TIGER WOODS took a giant step to becoming golf's first dollar billionaire yesterday. The world No 1 has more than doubled his clothing contract with Nike and will receive close to $90m (pounds 56m) over the next five years.

Robber snatches diamond Rolex

A ROBBER wrenched a diamond-encrusted Rolex from a businessman's wrist as he sat in the back of a car with his children, Scotland Yard said. Officers believe the suspect could have followed the man from a theatre in London's West End and waited while he went to a restaurant before striking just after midnight on Sunday.

The hard cell

IT'S HELL up here, in the monastic cell, trying to turn syllables into school fees. What on earth makes columnists want to write books? Sure, sure, it's all words, but so is politics and at least if you're a politician you get to bluster and tell lies and travel Club Class in a smart grey suit with all the other catastrophic losers, sitting there on their worthless arses trying to pretend that being offered Champagne and pillows by hard-faced young women in on-the-knee skirts is an everyday occurrence. Club Class will be the first thing to go when I am Supreme Ruler. My Honesty in Advertising Act will deal with it instantly, by making it compulsory for all advertisers to say what's really in their mind.

Woman, 94, has Rolex snatched from her wrist

THE 94-YEAR-OLD mother of Hollywood film directors Tony and Ridley Scott has been attacked by burglars who broke into one of her sons' homes and snatched a pounds 6,000 Rolex from her wrist.

Police decoys with Rolexes try to trap `Who's Who' muggers

UNDERCOVER POLICE officers wearing expensive wrist watches have been deployed by Scotland Yard to tackle a spate of so-called "Rolex robberies" aimed at the rich and famous.

You need never be guilty again

TOO LATE for me, of course; and before you start gloating and saying we don't like to say we told you so, but we told you so, it's bad living that's done it, you can't say you weren't warned, we bet you're sorry now ... well, it's too late for you, too.

Is it time to get a Gaydar?

I CAN'T get my mind round the job. It's difficult enough settling to one's work after a holiday in the normal course of things - that post- break anticlimax is one of the greatest robber of man-hours on the planet - but after two weeks hanging around with a gay couple on one of Europe's premier resort islands, all I can do is swivel my Gaydar.

Golf: Sandelin makes Ryder Cup team

JARMO SANDELIN secured his Ryder Cup place in dramatic style at the German Open here yesterday.

Why did she waste the money I gave her?; Dilemmas

Linda's friend, Teresa, is too proud to lower her prices as a cook, or to ask her ex-husband for support for her kids. When she was broke and worried about mortgage repayments, Linda gave her pounds 1,000 from a windfall. Now Linda's upset to find Teresa's spent the money on a holiday

Fraudsters' gain, our loss

Why insurance fraud is not a victimless crime. By Paul Slade

Sport on TV: Alien invasion of the Rolex-wearing Bosmanoids

NOW WE are at the stage where never a weekend goes by, for this observer at least, with at least one more foreign journeyman making his debut, it is hard not to conclude that the Bosman ruling was A Very Bad Thing.

Television: Hot sex in the animal kingdom

Daringly, The Bill (ITV) ventured into the shower at a women's prison, where an inmate made a pass at an undercover police officer. There was quite a bit of advance publicity about this, yet lesbianism is not exactly new to pre-watershed drama. Emmerdale and Brookside paved the way, while EastEnders has always had its share of gay men. Even Coronation Street has a transsexual, and there are signs that, with barely 11 months to spare, the venerable soap is finally moving into the late 20th century. An Asian family is at long last taking root in Weatherfield, and mark my words, lesbians won't be far behind.

Secretarial: The Temp What the chauffeur saw

PAUL THE chauffeur and I have struck up a bit of a friendship, mostly because we spend a lot of time sitting around with mugs of coffee in the kitchen waiting for Oscar, who always calls for the car an hour before he really needs it. I wasn't sure about Paul at first - thought he was pretty dour - but that's mostly because I've never had a friend with a ginger moustache before, and I gather now that a ginger moustache is almost compulsory if you want to join The Regiment, which I think is the phrase that a particular type of soldier uses to avoid saying "SAS". Paul's over 40 now; he got out of The Regiment nearly a decade ago and set himself up as a chauffeur-bodyguard and security adviser.

Head to head: Beyond the pale

Has the fake winter tan had its day? Eve Pollard says at her age she needs all the help she can get, while Magenta Devine steers clear of the leather look
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Day In a Page

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Samuel Beckett's biographer reveals secrets of the writer's time as a French Resistance spy

How Samuel Beckett became a French Resistance spy

As this year's Samuel Beckett festival opens in Enniskillen, James Knowlson, recalls how the Irish writer risked his life for liberty and narrowly escaped capture by the Gestapo
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We will remember them

Relatives still honour those who fought in the Great War
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David Crookes meets two of the genre's most popular voices
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Four recent travellers give their verdicts on the carrier's improved customer service
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Spanx launches range of jeans

The jeans come in two styles, multiple cuts and three washes and will go on sale in the UK in October
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Listen to your favourite tracks with this selection, offering everything from lambskin earmuffs to stainless steel
Commonwealth Games 2014: David Millar ready to serve up gold for his beloved Scotland in the end

Commonwealth Games

David Millar ready to serve up gold for his beloved Scotland in the end
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A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery all included in top 50 hidden spots in the UK

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Introducing the top 50 hidden spots in Britain
Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

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How a disease that has claimed fewer than 2,000 victims in its history has earned a place in the darkest corner of the public's imagination
Chris Pratt: From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

He was homeless in Hawaii when he got his big break. Now the comic actor Chris Pratt is Hollywood's new favourite action star