A whole week without visiting John Lewis? That’s what I call young

Here are some tell-tale signs that you're not that old

Share

If you ask me, with respect to the recent research revealing the signs you are getting older – dressing for comfort rather than style; listening to Radio 2 etc – I would like to counteract it with my own recent research revealing the signs you still have it, baby, and have it in spades, whatever anyone might say. To check if you still have it, baby, and have it in spades, whatever anyone might say, these are the things to look out for:

You recently went a whole week without visiting John Lewis.

You think seven cats is enough for anyone; eight at the most, if you’re going to keep it happening and funky around here.

You don’t feel compelled to pinch the cheeks of every young man you encounter.

You wear an edgy Cath Kidston dressing gown rather than one of those ghastly, pink nylon quilted things.

You are not frightened of “too much scarf” as everyone knows you can never have “too much scarf”.

You have zero interest in all those expensive mini-tubes of specialist eye creams apart from the one a particular magazine says really, really works, and which may really work, unlike the last one they said really, really works, but didn’t.

You have never heard of Ecco shoes and do not know that they have a shop on Long Acre, right next to Covent Garden tube.

You are not frightened of “too much floral scarf around the neck” as you can never have  “too much floral scarf around the neck”.

You can still browse in Topshop and not look like a desperate old lady even though, admittedly, a security guard did once ask if you were lost and looking for Jane Norman.

 You only practise what a facelift might look like in the mirror because it’s a fun thing to do for several hours at a time.

You have never heard of Damart thermal underwear and do not know that the website offers next-day delivery.

You are still active sexually and pencil it in for every fourth Saturday, whether you are in the mood or not.

You know young lads only offer you their seat on the Tube because they fancy you and imagine they might pull. (In your dreams, pal! I don’t de-scarf for just anybody!)

See? See? See how you still have it, baby, and have it in spades, whatever anyone might say? And now you can go about your business, happy in mind and body.

No, there is no need to drop me a thank-you note although, on the other hand, perhaps that is only good manners, and polite?

Twitter: @deborahross

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Financial Accountants, Cardiff, £250 p/day

£180 - £250 per day + competitive: Orgtel: Financial Accountants - Key Banking...

Regulatory Reporting-MI-Bank-Cardiff-£300/day

£200 - £500 per day + competitive: Orgtel: I am currently working on a large p...

Recruitment Consultant - Bristol - Computer Futures - £18-25k

£18000 - £25000 per annum + Commission: SThree: Computer Futures are currently...

Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Real Staffing - Leeds - £18k+

£18000 - £27000 per annum + Commission: SThree: Sales - Trainee Recruitment Co...

Day In a Page

 

Careful, Mr Cameron. Don't flirt with us on tax

Chris Blackhurst
Dress the Gaza situation up all you like, but the truth hurts

Robert Fisk on Gaza conflict

Dress the situation up all you like, but the truth hurts
Save the tiger: Tiger, tiger burning less brightly as numbers plummet

Tiger, tiger burning less brightly

When William Blake wrote his famous poem there were probably more than 100,000 tigers in the wild. These days they probably number around 3,200
5 News's Andy Bell retraces his grandfather's steps on the First World War battlefields

In grandfather's footsteps

5 News's political editor Andy Bell only knows his grandfather from the compelling diary he kept during WWI. But when he returned to the killing fields where Edwin Vaughan suffered so much, his ancestor came to life
Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart reveals she has flying robot ... to take photos of her farm

Martha Stewart has flying robot

The lifestyle guru used the drone to get a bird's eye view her 153-acre farm in Bedford, New York
Former Labour minister Meg Hillier has demanded 'pootling lanes' for women cyclists

Do women cyclists need 'pootling lanes'?

Simon Usborne (who's more of a hurtler) explains why winning the space race is key to happy riding
A tale of two presidents: George W Bush downs his paintbrush to pen father’s life story

A tale of two presidents

George W Bush downs his paintbrush to pen father’s life story
Restaurateur Mitch Tonks has given the Great Western Pullman dining car a makeover

The dining car makes a comeback

Restaurateur Mitch Tonks has given the Great Western Pullman dining car a makeover
Gallery rage: How are institutions tackling the discomfort of overcrowding this summer?

Gallery rage

How are institutions tackling the discomfort of overcrowding this summer?
Louis van Gaal has £500,000 video surveillance system installed to monitor Manchester United players

Eye on the prize

Louis van Gaal has £500,000 video surveillance system installed to monitor Manchester United players
Women's rugby: Tamara Taylor adds fuel to the ire in quest to land World Cup

Women's rugby

Tamara Taylor adds fuel to the ire in quest to land World Cup
Save the tiger: The day America’s love of backyard tigers led to a horrific bloodbath

The day America’s love of backyard tigers led to a horrific bloodbath

With only six per cent of the US population of these amazing big cats held in zoos, the Zanesville incident in 2011 was inevitable
Samuel Beckett's biographer reveals secrets of the writer's time as a French Resistance spy

How Samuel Beckett became a French Resistance spy

As this year's Samuel Beckett festival opens in Enniskillen, James Knowlson, recalls how the Irish writer risked his life for liberty and narrowly escaped capture by the Gestapo
We will remember them: relatives still honour those who fought in the Great War

We will remember them

Relatives still honour those who fought in the Great War
Star Wars Episode VII is being shot on film - and now Kodak is launching a last-ditch bid to keep celluloid alive

Kodak's last-ditch bid to keep celluloid alive

Director J J Abrams and a few digital refuseniks shoot movies on film. Simon Usborne wonders what the fuss is about
Once stilted and melodramatic, Hollywood is giving acting in video games a makeover

Acting in video games gets a makeover

David Crookes meets two of the genre's most popular voices