From the Pope's new Twitter account: Anyone know if it’s a mortal sin to end a tweet with OMG?

Through a quirk of predictive text, our writer is able to anticipate the pope's first batch of holy tweets

Share

There have been few more significant events in the history of cyberspace than the arrival this week of His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI on the social network site Twitter. Soon, it is reported, the Pontiff will be communicating with his flock through brief messages sent to devices around the world.

There were worries that this medium of tweeting – short, chatty and instant – would not suit the Pope’s more leisurely style, and it is certainly true that the @pontifex account has made something of a slow start. After several hours, there was not a single message transmitted. His Holiness was said to be following seven other accounts, but they all turned out to be himself in different languages.

Fortunately, with the help of a new website specialising in predictive text, we are able to anticipate the pontiff’s first forays into the world of social media:

@pontifex I would like to welcome men, women and, most of all, children all over the world to my Twitter account. Credo sancto Ecclesi

 

Forgive me, people of the world. My staff tell me I am permitted only 140 characters. With no exception for the Vicar of Christ! #odd

 

Over 100,000 followers in three hours. Benedictus Deus. And, no, I shall not be describing them as “disciples” ;)

 

Thanks for the follow @bishopofdurham and congrats on the new job. Are u the first Justin to be Arch of Canterbury?

 

No, @bishopofdurham. Regret I am unable to follow you back. Pontiffs don’t follow, it’s the rule. We lead. I’ll tell you about it some time.

 

When we’re bored, we sometimes make the Latin up as we go along  lol. #secretsofthevatican

 

I should like to thank tweeps across the world for their prayers and thoughts *little papal wave & humble smile*. #holytweet

 

Thanks @RichardDawkins for following. Not sure what you mean by “pathetic fairy story” but I wish you well whoever you are.

 

It’s not a frock @Richard Dawkins it’s a habit. And I’m not “a leering old villain”. Bless you for your thoughts. The Lord loves a joker!

 

Here’s something we don’t often admit. When hearing confessions, priests often have a single thought: TMI!!! #keepitclean

 

I regret that I am unable to conduct online confessions, however “hot” they may happen to be.

 

Breaking news. The Vatican techies have only come up with  a Twitter prayer! Watch this space. Comin’ back at ya,  @RichardDawkins!!!

 

Congratulations @annwiddecombe, on becoming my 1 millionth follower *puts on humble-but-happy face*.

 

Are you a real lord @LordSugar? I regret I’ve never heard of you and do not understand why you say ‘You’re fired’.

 

Life is like Serie A football. Keep it simple. Ball to feet. Play the way you’re facing. Don’t argue with the ref. Goooaaalll! :)

 

Twitter prayer: defende nos, O Twitter, proelio contra nequitiam et malivolos anima, et maxima retweetes!! Amen.

 

#secretsofthevatican When  @CardinalBetori followed me on to Twitter, he thought xxx stood for 3 crucifixes! #notpopematerial

 

I hate how I’m really tired on Sundays and that’s the day I have to work harder than ever :(

 

A lot of my followers keep asking me really heavy stuff about families and that. To them I say: love is all around, let the feeling grow.

 

Could I just remind tweeps that  @Madonna has nothing whatsoever to do with Our Lady. Do NOT visit her site! #putitawaymadge

Sorry @piersmorgan, I have no recollection of having “hung out” with you in Monterey, nor being hugged by you at the Oscars.

 

Seriously, there are some unhelpful accounts on Twitter. Like @god, @jesus, @holyghost. Who’s in charge round here? Only asking.

 

#secretsofthevatican. Psst, now and then the whole patron saint can be a leedle bit skanky! Shall we just say, a contribution goes a long way;)

 

I have decided to block anyone who mentions: a) the nazi party; b) things allegedly done by  priests (talk to the hand!); c)  @RichardDawkins.

 

Actually @jonathanross, there are a whole lot of Christian rock stars. Katy Perry, Alice Cooper. Bob Dylan (sometimes).

 

Inside knowledge: a little angel tells me that Christopher Hitchens is “in another place” (slightly hotter). #whatgoesaround

 

#secretsofthevatican. The popemobile has a built-in toilet with deluxe self-warm seat. Bliss.

 

Some tweeps have said my Twitter account is making the Church seem trivial and childish. Er, I don’t think so! Lighten up, guys ;)

 

You’ve probably seen it but you’ve got to look at this amazing video of a cat playing the piano. Soooo cute. #thankyougod

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Database Analyst - Birmingham - £22,000 plus benefits

£20000 - £22000 per annum + excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: Application Sup...

SThree: Recruitment Resourcer

£20000 - £25000 per annum + Uncapped Commission: SThree: Do you want to get in...

Ashdown Group: Project Manager - Birmingham - up to £40,000 - 12 month FTC

£35000 - £40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Project Manager - Birmingham - ...

SThree: Recruitment Consultant - IT

£25000 - £30000 per annum + Uncapped Commission: SThree: Sthree are looking fo...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Prevention is better than cure if we want to save the NHS

Tanni Grey Thompson
Question time: Russell Brand interviewing Ed Miliband on his YouTube show  

Russell Brand's Labour endorsement is a stunning piece of hypocrisy

Lee Williams
Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

China's influence on fashion

At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

Rainbow shades

It's all bright on the night
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living
Increasing numbers of homeless people in America keep their mobile phones on the streets

Homeless people keep mobile phones

A homeless person with a smartphone is a common sight in the US. And that's creating a network where the 'hobo' community can share information - and fight stigma - like never before