Deborah Ross: Thanks to Beyoncé, I have the fire within

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, and fed up of being plain old, boring Deborah Ross, I knew what I had to do and I did it. I walked into The Perfume Shop and spritzed myself with Beyoncé's Heat Rush, which is absolutely essential if you want to "unleash the fire within" and express "a woman's powerful sensuality."

I then stepped onto the Tube where the effect was instant. Mostly, I suspect, it was the fire burning within, which is always hard to miss, but there was also this way I now had of being "sexy and elegant yet feminine with an air of mystery". Whatever, the men in the carriage could not take their eyes off me. Some even visibly trembled, while one put down his Metro and said: "If I didn't know you were pregnant, I'd have you right here and now, between Finsbury Park and Seven Sisters." I smiled. Yes, my smile was elegant, sexy and feminine with an air of mystery but, more than that, it was also the smile of a woman "who is not afraid to desire and be desired" although probably not all the way to Walthamstow. I had no reason to go there, it would be a faff getting back, and even though I now had the sort of energy that "surges, pulsates and electrifies" I didn't wish to waste any of it. I had my unborn child to think of.

As soon as I arrived home, I knew my husband, whom I generally bore just as I bore everyone else, could tell I had left as one woman and returned as another. He didn't say as much. He didn't say: "Gosh, how do you surge, pulsate and electrify like that?" Or: "Your powerful sensuality is knocking me for six, love." Or even: "You appear to be on fire." He didn't have to. I could tell by his look as he reached for the fire blanket; a look of pure longing mixed with lust. "You smell...," he finally said, "like someone who is sexy and strong, lights up a room, and captivates everyone with her presence." He then had me by the laundry basket, before rushing out to buy me precious gems and a sports car, which was not only exciting but also immensely decent, considering I am carrying another man's child.

Why am I informing you of all this? For a reason, which is the following reason: some people say celebrity fragrances are just a cynical marketing exercise but, I'm telling you, they really do work. You can buy into a celebrity's lifestyle totally. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I think I might be J-Lo, and smell of a great big sexy bottom.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Digital Account Manager - OTE £40,000

£25000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This web-based lead generation ...

Tradewind Recruitment: Intervention Teacher Required To Start ASAP.

£125 - £150 per day + Negotiable: Tradewind Recruitment: A 'wonderful primary ...

Tradewind Recruitment: Maths Teacher

£90 - £140 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: Our client is an 11-16 mixed commun...

Recruitment Genius: PHP / Drupal / SaaS Developer

£32000 - £36000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A rapidly developing company in...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Benedict Cumberbatch attends a special screening of his latest film The Imitation Game  

Benedict Cumberbatch race row: What's the actual difference between 'coloured' and 'person of colour'?

Matthew Norman
Pressure is growing on Chris Grayling to abandon the Government bid to advise Saudi Arabia on running its prisons (Getty)  

What in sanity’s name is Chris Grayling doing in the job of Justice Secretary?

Matthew Norman
Greece elections: In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza

Greece elections

In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza, says Patrick Cockburn
Holocaust Memorial Day: Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears

Holocaust Memorial Day

Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears over Europe
Homeless Veterans appeal: Homeless in Wales can find inspiration from Daniel’s story

Homeless Veterans appeal

Homeless in Wales can find inspiration from Daniel’s story
Front National family feud? Marine Le Pen and her relatives clash over French far-right party's response to Paris terror attacks

Front National family feud?

Marine Le Pen and her relatives clash over French far-right party's response to Paris terror attacks
Woman who was sent to three Nazi death camps describes how she escaped the gas chamber

Auschwitz liberation 70th anniversary

Woman sent to three Nazi death camps describes surviving gas chamber
DSK, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel

The inside track on France's trial of the year

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel:
As provocative now as they ever were

Sarah Kane season

Why her plays are as provocative now as when they were written
Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of a killing in Iraq 11 years ago

Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of another killing

Japanese mood was against what was seen as irresponsible trips to a vicious war zone
Syria crisis: Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more refugees as one young mother tells of torture by Assad regime

Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more Syrian refugees

One young mother tells of torture by Assad regime
The enemy within: People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back – with promising results

The enemy within

People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back
'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

Survivors of the Nazi concentration camp remember its horror, 70 years on
Autumn/winter menswear 2015: The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore

Autumn/winter menswear 2015

The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore
'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

Army general planning to come out
Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

What the six wise men told Tony Blair

Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

25 years of The Independent on Sunday

The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century