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Aha! It's The Alan Partridge Guide to the Good Life

Today the premiere of the Alan Patridge Film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa will take place in glamorous Norwich (where else?). To celebrate, we've collated some of the most enlightening pronouncements from everyone's favourite radio DJ.

Romance, Partridge style

1. "Well Sonja, that was classic intercourse"

2. "I thought you were sexy, I don't now you're a bloke! I have a good mind to knock your block off!"

Social Etiquette

1. "Lynn - they're sex people."

2. "Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed. It must not, I repeat not, turn into an all-night rave."

Beauty tips

1. "Good. Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these."

2. "Right, dry skin cream. I'm having an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack."

Interior design

1. "I do like that toilet. It's very futuristic, isn't it? Very, sort of, high-tech, space age. I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that. In the twenty-first century. Can I, have a go?"

2. "Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint. Which, again, to me is a bonus."

Music

1. "Sunday Bloody Sunday. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you just think 'Sunday, bloody Sunday!'.

Partridge insults

1. "Eat my goal!"

2. "Smell my cheese, you mother"

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