What's this thing with poets and railways?
Perhaps the love affair commences
With the simple steady rhythm
Which commands and lulls the senses,
Trundling through the spines of cities
Where the buddleia thrives in mortar
In the dark Dickensian arches
Eking life from drips of water.
Slicing swathes through sulking suburbs
Goes the train as buildings yield,
Giving way to patchwork pastures,
Chalk hills, churches, wold and weald.
So much for a poet's perspective.
Let's look at commuters' cases
And a litany of problems
Happening on a daily basis.
Here we hit a situation
Where it simply isn't funny.
If we want a decent railway
What we need's a lot of money.
When I say a lot of money -
How much money? Not much more
Than what would be given freely
For a modest three-month war
Or redoing the Newbury bypass,
Plus three thousand cars or so
Which Environment departments
Need to use to run the show.
Paddington is Railtrack's next move -
Station plans approved of late.
Queen Victoria's vaulted chambers
Will host Weddings-While-U-Wait.
Sixty million for the facelift,
Sumptuous rooms with sit-down meal,
Well, commuters, how d'you feel?
If, for instance, bride or bridegroom
Got held up by, say, a train,
Would you get a five pound voucher
When you took your vows again?
We apologise to travellers
For the current cancelled marriage.
This is due to bride in Didcot
Stranded in de-coupled carriage.
"`Perfect Husband' Gene Discovered":
There's a headline makes you think.
What might make a perfect husband?
Leaves bar after just one drink?
Not afraid to show his feelings,
Alpha Male, yet soft and caring,
Puts the duvet in its cover
In under half an hour, no swearing;
Pure, mature and good with money,
Women of all ages rate him
Handsome, virile, bright and funny...
Who's this Gene? I think I hate him.
Doesn't work for Railtrack, does he?
Spends all day in suit and tie
Being creative with the schedules,
Then goes home as nice as pie:
"Hello, darling. Mmmwa! I love you.
How's your day been? Pass the salt."
There you have it, weary traveller.
Just blame Gene. It's all his fault.Reuse content