Tuesday 22 September 1998
Paul Duell suggests the happy Rave (Rarely Adventurous,Vital or Exciting) Party, attracting both youth and age votes. Magzy Higgs likes The New "Labour" Party, The "New" Party or perhaps The Nearly New Party. Sorry, Magzy, but I think you'll find all three have been copyrighted by one P Mandelson for future use. Andrew Duncan had more than mere nominal advice: "Let's replace [Conservative] with some Blair-like cool, With zap yet trad to bring in those who play pool... Stunning, stirring anthem - words by Rice, music by Lord Lloyd Webber - very nice, Give a hint (consult manifesto) of the good time to come, To young Janet, John, Mum, Dad, vicar and nun..." But sorry, Andrew. Do you really think anyone's going to swallow the Humanity Party?
Fiona and John Earle suggest The Innermost Circle "because they have been going round in ever-decreasing circles for years and have got there". John O'Byrne wins a dictionary for "The New Millennium Progressive Conservative Party", whose New Ageyness perfectly illustrates party interests that lag several years behind those of the electorate. Duncan Bull says "Mr Major famously called his euro-sceptic cabinet `colleagues' something rather rude. Now the shadow cabinet consists of EMU-doomsters, Mr Major should be honoured by renaming the Tory party `The Bastards'. Or, to be politically correct, The Right Bastards." A copy of Chambers on its way to you.
Next week: thanks to Bruce Birchall for the following; This is the time of year when evening classes offer exotic prospects like Glassblowing for Beginners or Speak Swahili in Six Weeks. Who signs up for these things, and why? What learning experiences are not catered for in the prospectuses, and who might they suit? Suggestions to Creativity, The Independent, 18th floor, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. The top two, or three, depending on whether anyone has won one for suggesting the week's theme, will win a Chambers dictionary. Results two weeks from today.
Music Why this music festival is still the place to spot the next big thing
Film review Michael Glatze biopic isn't about a self-hating gay man gone straight
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Germanwings crash: Police make 'significant discovery' at home of co-pilot Andreas Lubitz
- 2 Zayn Malik already working on solo material, just days after quitting One Direction
- 3 The West has it totally wrong on Lee Kuan Yew
- 4 #FreeTheNipple: Women in Iceland bare breasts in solidarity with trolled student
- 5 Jeremy Clarkson calls on trolls to leave producer Oisin Tymon alone: 'None of this is his fault'
Disney's mega money-making formula: 'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan
Jeremy Clarkson courted by Russian Ministry of Defence TV station to present motoring show
One Direction fans campaign to buy the band after Zayn Malik quits
Zayn Malik already working on solo material, just days after quitting One Direction
Fifty Shades of Grey movie shows first sex scene 'after 40 minutes'
Nigel Farage brands LGBT activists 'filth' and 'scum' and accuses them of scaring away his children after they invade his local pub
Ukip supporters are 55 or older, white and socially conservative, finds British Social Attitudes Report
JK Rowling responds to fan tweeting she 'can't see' Dumbledore being gay
Russia threatens Denmark with nuclear weapons if it tries to join Nato defence shield
Jeremy Clarkson sacked live: Alan Yentob 'wouldn't rule out' ex Top Gear host's BBC return
Germanwings plane crash live: Andreas Guenter Lubitz intentionally crashed flight 9525 into the Alps in act of mass murder and suicide – latest