Tuesday 22 September 1998
Paul Duell suggests the happy Rave (Rarely Adventurous,Vital or Exciting) Party, attracting both youth and age votes. Magzy Higgs likes The New "Labour" Party, The "New" Party or perhaps The Nearly New Party. Sorry, Magzy, but I think you'll find all three have been copyrighted by one P Mandelson for future use. Andrew Duncan had more than mere nominal advice: "Let's replace [Conservative] with some Blair-like cool, With zap yet trad to bring in those who play pool... Stunning, stirring anthem - words by Rice, music by Lord Lloyd Webber - very nice, Give a hint (consult manifesto) of the good time to come, To young Janet, John, Mum, Dad, vicar and nun..." But sorry, Andrew. Do you really think anyone's going to swallow the Humanity Party?
Fiona and John Earle suggest The Innermost Circle "because they have been going round in ever-decreasing circles for years and have got there". John O'Byrne wins a dictionary for "The New Millennium Progressive Conservative Party", whose New Ageyness perfectly illustrates party interests that lag several years behind those of the electorate. Duncan Bull says "Mr Major famously called his euro-sceptic cabinet `colleagues' something rather rude. Now the shadow cabinet consists of EMU-doomsters, Mr Major should be honoured by renaming the Tory party `The Bastards'. Or, to be politically correct, The Right Bastards." A copy of Chambers on its way to you.
Next week: thanks to Bruce Birchall for the following; This is the time of year when evening classes offer exotic prospects like Glassblowing for Beginners or Speak Swahili in Six Weeks. Who signs up for these things, and why? What learning experiences are not catered for in the prospectuses, and who might they suit? Suggestions to Creativity, The Independent, 18th floor, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. The top two, or three, depending on whether anyone has won one for suggesting the week's theme, will win a Chambers dictionary. Results two weeks from today.
Glastonbury Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend will perform with Paul Weller as their warm-up act
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Qataris pledge to expand Canary Wharf
- 2 #JeSuisEd: People share photos of themselves eating awkwardly in solidarity with Labour leader
- 3 Women think Irish men are the sexiest, survey finds
- 4 Florida couple forced to register as sex offenders for having sex on public beach
- 5 Watch eerie drone footage of destroyed building in Stalingrad
Penny Dreadful, series 2 episode 1, review: It is still gloriously silly
Top Gear: Jodie Kidd, Philip Glenister and Guy Martin 'in advanced talks' to replace Jeremy Clarkson and co
Eurovision 2015: What date and time is the song contest and who are the favourites to win?
They came in with William Caxton's printing press, but typefaces still matter in the digital age
Fifty Shades of Grey movie shows first sex scene 'after 40 minutes'
In defence of liberal democracy
General Election 2015: Post-election 'shambles' looms as 70 per cent of voters say SNP 'should not be able to veto UK government policies'
The Rothschild Libel: Why has it taken 200 years for an anti-Semitic slur that emerged from the Battle of Waterloo to be dismissed?
General Election 2015: UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power, Labour warns
General election live: SNP suspends two members for disrupting Labour rally
General election live: Booths open at 7am across the country on polling day