Creativity: Loki

NEW ACRONYMS for old: a glossary. Initials for contributors, too. Welcome to Janet M Holdcroft, John Lamper, Philip Marlow, Tony McCoy O'Grady and PB Thomas. Regular contributors should be recognisable from their initials; if not, invent irreverent names for them for next week!

ACCESS A Credit Card Encourages Silly Spending (JL). BAFTA Brilliantly Artistic Films Trading Awfully (JO'B). BSE Brains Scrambled Experimentally (ST); Because Scrapie Eaten (BB); Britain-Scaring Experience (MH). BT Bureaucratic Torture (PM). CFC Chemicals For Clouds (ST). CIA Can't Investigate Anything (JAK); Cock-ups In Adventurism (JO'B); Cocaine Importation Authority (PM). ID Coppers In Disguise (MG). EEC Europe Eats Countries (PBT). FBI Funny Bloody Investigators (JAK). FRCS For Real Circumcision Satisfaction (LC). GMB Genetically Modified Babies (AB). ICBM Instant Chaos, Bloody Murder (MG). ICI Inescapable Carcinogenic Inhalations (BB). INTERPOL International Traders in Erotica, Raunchy Pornography and Obscene Literature (PG). IOC Impresarios On Cloud 9 (BB); I'm Open to Corruption (TMO'G); I Order Champagne (BJO'B). KGCB Kept Giving Conservatives Backhanders (TMO'G). MAAF Madness Attributed to Additives in Food (MH). MENSA Morons Even Now Send Applications (PBT). MODEM Machine Only Disgorges Endless Mumbo-jumbo (TMO'G). NASA Not Another Space Accident (JAK); Not Another Shuttle Abandoned (JO'B)

NATO Nude And Totally Orgasmic (JR); Nuclear Attacks Threatened Openly (MG); Not Aroused Till Over (BP); Noisy American Troops Overseas (JMH); No Ability To Organise (PBT). NHS No Hospital Space (LC); No Hips Supplied (JO'B). OFSTED Observing Fellow School Teachers, Evaluating Destructively (JMH); Obsessive Fads Stress Teachers Every Day (JL). OPEC Our Prices Escalate Continually (TMO'G).

PhD Particularly Harassed Daddy (AD). QED Quite Easily Deduced (LC). RSJ Right Sloppy Job (ED). UNESCO Unusual Number (of) Extremely Silly Conferences Organised (TMO'G). USA Unconvicted Serial Adulterer (ST); Unimpeachable Sexual Antics (TMO'G) VAT Very 'Ard Times (BB).

John Lamper and Tony McCoy O'Grady win Chambers Dictionary of Quotations. as does Brendan O'Byrne's challenge: If lawyers are disbarred and clergy defrocked, would electricians be delighted, musicians denoted, cooks panned, Trojans destroyed, miners shafted? Describe how various people are dismissed from their jobs.

Ideas to Creativity, Features, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5 DL or e-mail to Loki.Valhalla @btinternet.com by 11 March. Three prizes of Chambers - one for setting the challenge - t.b.a. 16 March. On 9 March William Vague leads a parade of aptly mis-spelt celebrities.