Cultural Comment: Letter from Hollywood Ask a silly question, but ask it fast

At Hollywood junkets, it's getting harder to get a word in edgeways.

Any journalist in Hollywood will become, at one time or another, a "junketeer". It is said that Disney publicists cruelly coined the phrase to parody all those happy little "mousketeer" kiddie fans.

Before any major film is launched, a "junket" is organised by the studio. The entertainment press corps, or "junketeers", are summoned to hotels to interview the stars who have been deposited in separate bedrooms (beds removed). Like the clients of a down-market portrait photographer, the stars always sit in front of the same three backdrops: a) posters of the movie, b) vulgar floral arrangements, or c) lampshades.

As a social encounter, attending a "junket" is about as pleasurable as seeing your GP. The star may be facing up to 60 interviews in one day, while journalists loiter in waiting rooms drinking too much coffee and eating too many bite-size pastries. You will be granted up to five minutes with the great ones - maybe less. (A journalist colleague travelled across America to get two minutes with Sharon Stone.) When you are finally called, your questions - like a list of ailments - go flying out of the window. It always feels like you have just sat down, cleared your throat, mussed with your microphone (if it's for TV) and blurted out the first thing that comes into your head, when the publicist says, sharp as a slap, "OK - that's it".

Some publicists are super strict and signal wildly behind the star's back that your time is up. Others will interrupt mid-question with: "We're waaaaaaayy over time here". One journalist who lingered too long was rumoured to have been unceremoniously yanked out of his chair.

The secret is to charm the star into overturning the rules. Veteran "junketeer" Elaine Lipworth recently made a hit with Dustin Hoffman. She was promised five minutes. "I've been wanting to meet you ever since I was a teenager," she said truthfully at the outset. "Right," said Hoffman, "you get more time." "No she doesn't," replied the publicist. "Yes she does," bullied Hoffman. Ten minutes pass, and the publicist has created a new bald patch on his head. Hoffman looks round. "She gets to the end of the tape!" he yells.

The problem is trying to get anything original in so short a time. I tried once with William Shatner - a favourite of mine since my Star Trek- watching teenage years. There was so much to ask. I wanted him to join me on a parallel universe - to boldly go into territory where no interviewer had dared to go that morning. But, with the seconds ticking away, I got flustered and began to ask the longest and most ludicrous question in the history of junketeering.

"William Shatner - as Captain Kirk - wasn't it irresponsible of you to risk your life so many times on hostile planets? Shouldn't you - like so many British Generals for instance - have sent your subordinates down into enemy territory while you conducted operations from the relative safety of the bridge?" He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. Eyes twinkling. Still sexy after all these years. But I knew what he was thinking: This woman is nuts. Unexpectedly, he obliged with: "Then how would I have gotten to kiss all those girls?" and winked. Next!

Rule One of junkets: never ask for autographs, unless you're undeniably naff. With Shatner, I just managed to restrain myself.

Rule Two: don't get personal. Another colleague was almost thrown out of an interview with Keifer Sutherland when she dared to ask him about his break-up with Julia Roberts. Next!

With the scheduling so tight, the same old chestnuts end up being asked again and again: "Tell me Tom Cruise/ Hanks/Selleck - what was it that first attracted you to this role?" Perhaps one day, one of them will tell it like it is: "I guess it was the 12 million dollars". Next!