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My Edinburgh: Rhod Gilbert, Comedian


Wake up, avoid reviews, cold pizza, go see a show, get soaked...

Bump into another comedian, try not to talk about reviews, hear about how brilliantly their show is going and assume they're deluded, bump into another performer, hear about how badly their show is going and assume they're normal, i.e. low self-esteem, meet friends at 'Monster Mash', wait an hour for wrong pie to arrive, complain, get small discount, leave, get soaked, buy umbrella, welcome sunshine, get sunburnt, ditch umbrella, get soaked, go to The Waverly Pub, meet friends, drink whisky, leave, get soaked, receive 300 flyers on walk through town, choose a show, if it's shit tell performer you enjoyed it, cross road to avoid another performer, decide to go to museum or art gallery or shopping or something, anything non-festival related just to take mind off festival for two bloody minutes, but bump into performer, go back to pub, whisky, home, afternoon nap, wake up, cold pizza, adrenalin starts, shower, walk to venue, adrenalin building, get soaked, criss cross road avoiding everyone en route, iPod playlist to get psyched up, arrive venue, adrenalin crazy now, pace, nervous shit, pace, nervous shit, crowd arriving, rehearse, banana, vocalzone, whisky, rehearse, banana, whisky, nerves, stretch, hum, rehearse, steam, hum, nerves, whisky, curtain up, show starts, try to have fun, try to avoid eye contact with someone not enjoying it, fail, focus on them, obsess over why they are not laughing, bastards, laughs, applause at end of show (optional), relief, comedown, calm, walk to pub, get soaked, whisky, meet other performers, complain about person(s) not enjoying the show, go see someone else's show, relief - it's not better than yours or panic if it's better, go to a restaurant (Italian or Thai on Nicolson, French place in New Town), resolve to remember names of restaurants in future, pub, whisky, chat, relax ‘til inevitable bellend performer comes in and clearly gets a kick out of telling you you’ve had a bad review, get wound up, endlessly agonise over every line of review, whisky, more whisky, it's 5am, leave, get soaked on way home. Bed. Return to top. Repeat ‘til end of festival.

Rhod Gilbert: The Man with the Flaming Battenburg Tattoo, EICC, to 26 August (0844 847 1639)