It’s Oscars night. Leonardo DiCaprio has finally won the Academy Award for Best Actor in a historic moment for his career. You’re in the press room backstage, and you get to ask him the one final question before the press conference interview is wrapped up.
There are so many things you could ask such a talented man with such a diverse range of films behind him, but literally something as simple as ‘What is your favourite flavour of Skittle?’ would have been more worthwhile than this.
If that wasn’t enough soul-wrenching discomfort for you, here’s the full transcript.
Q. I am the first Egyptian journalist covering the Oscars from here. And that’s about the first Oscar for you?
A. (DiCaprio) I’m sorry, what was your question?
Q. What about the first Oscar for you?
A. "What about it?"
Q. For your Oscar?
A. Yeah, it feels amazing. *Iñárritu cracks up*
Q. It’s a first. What about that?
A. Yeah it is the first. Look, like I said, I’m just incredibly grateful. Thank you.
The language issue can be forgiven (my Arabic isn't so hot), but both DiCaprio and his director were pretty stunned by the vagueness of the question.
Oscars 2016 winners
Oscars 2016 winners
1/24 Leonardo DiCaprio
Oscar for Best Actor: "The Revenant"
2/24 Brie Larson
Oscar for Best Actress: "Room"
2016 Getty Images
3/24 Mark Rylance
Oscar for Best Supporting Actor: "Bridge of Spies"
4/24 Alicia Vikander
Oscar for Best Supporting Actress: "The Danish Girl"
5/24 Alejandro González Iñárritu
Oscar for Best Director: "The Revenant"
6/24 Emmanuel Lubezki
Oscar for Best Cinematography: "The Renevant"
7/24 Mark Mangini (L) and David White
Oscar for Best Sound Editing: "Mad Max: Fury Road"
8/24 Margaret Sixel
Oscar for Best Editing: "Mad Max: Fury Road"
9/24 Lesley Vanderwalt (R), Elka Wardega (C) and Damian Martin
Oscar for Best Makeup and Hairstyling: "Mad Max: Fury Road"
10/24 Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson
Oscar for Best Production Design: "Mad Max: Fury Road"
11/24 Jenny Beavan
Oscar for Best Costume Design: "Mad Max: Fury Road"
12/24 Tom McCarthy (L) and Josh Singer
Oscar for Best Original Screenplay: "Spotlight"
13/24 Adam McKay (L) and Charles Randolph
Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay: "The Big Short"
14/24 (L-R) Steve Golin, Blye Pagon Faust, Nicole Rocklin, and Michael Sugar
Oscar for Best Picture: "Spotlight"
15/24 Jimmy Napes (L) and Sam Smith
Oscar for Best Original Song: 'Writing's On The Wall' - "Spectre"
16/24 Ennio Morricone
Oscar for Best Original Score: "The Hateful Eight"
17/24 Laszlo Nemes
Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film: "Son of Saul"
18/24 Shawn Christopher Ogilvy (L) and Benjamin Cleary
Oscar for Best Live Action Short Film: "Stutterer"
19/24 James Gay-Rees (L) and Asif Kapadia
Oscar for Best Documentary Feature: "Amy"
20/24 Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject: "A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness"
21/24 Pete Docter (R) and Jonas Rivera
Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film: "Inside Out"
22/24 Director Gabriel Osorio Vargas (L) and producer Pato Escala Pierart
Oscar for Best Animated Short Film: "Bear Story"
23/24 Andrew Whitehurst (R), Paul Norris (2nd L), Mark Ardington (L) and Sara Bennett
Oscar for Best Visual Effects: "Ex Machina"
24/24 Chris Jenkins (R), Gregg Rudolf (C) and Ben Oslo
Oscar for Sound Mixing: "Mad Max: Fury Road"
Inane, unavoidable Qs aside, DiCaprio largely avoided the ‘he’s finally won’ narrative at the ceremony on Sunday, using his acceptance speech instead as a platform to talk about climate change.