Oscars 2009: Red carpet, red faces: Who will be the luvviest luvvie?

Had your fill of Oscar speculation? Feel that you know <i>exactly</i> who&#8217;s going to win tonight? Not so fast. The main categories may be predictable, but the real fun is in the awards no one wants to win: the night&#8217;s biggest twits. As the red carpet is unrolled, Lisa Markwell celebrates nominees and past winners in the Losers&#8217; Academy Awards
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In the category of costume catastrophe ...

Diane Keaton won Best Actress for Annie Hall in 1978 and took to the stage looking like she’d just popped out to return a library book. Not so much a wardrobe malfunction as a non-function.

Björk Indie-chic goes to Hollywood in 2001 and gets laughed at. Well, it was only to be expected, but did even Björk realise that her swan dress was going to lay an egg on the red carpet?

Gwyneth Paltrow had a reputation for being beautiful and composed. It took her a long time after this unstructured monstrosity of 2002 to win that reputation back.

Angelina Jolie has done goth, vamp, edgy and couldn’t-give-a-damn. Does she really need to do more than just show up with Brad on her arm? If rumours are true, wearing a $20m necklace to ensure she out-dazzles her husband’s ex, Jennifer Aniston, is just plain tacky.

Worst performance by a star in a losing role...

Martin Scorsese saw others win while Raging Bull, Goodfellas and Taxi Driver missed out. When he finally won for The Departed in 2007, he said: “Could you check the envelope?”

Did Eddie Murphy really storm out in 2007 after not winning Best Supporting Actor for Dreamgirls? Yup. The Academy clearly could not forgive him for Dr Dolittle and Norbit.

Samuel L Jackson commanded the screen in 1994’s Pulp Fiction – he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor – but was seen mouthing the word “shit” when he didn’t win.

Peter Gabriel pulled out of performing his nominated song from Wall.E, as producers cut it to 65 seconds. Best Song has just three, and the other two are from Slumdog Millionaire, so petulant nominee Gabriel could end up even grumpier on the night.

No prizes for achievement in scriptwriting ...

Sally Field hit a dud note by informing her audience the second time she won an Oscar that “I can’t deny the fact that you like me”.

Cuba Gooding Jr will forever be remembered for howling “I love you” at the audience, punching the air and jumping up and down when he won Best Supporting Actor for Jerry Maguire.

Gwyneth Paltrow sobbed, Roberto Benigni leapt, but for truly excruciating, how’s Tom Hanks outing his school teacher as gay while accepting an award for Philadelphia?

Best Actress nominee Kate Winslet has form, bellowing “Oh God, who’s the other one?” while name-checking her fellow nominees at the Golden Globes. She’s bound to say “bloody hell” and pick a strand of tobacco from her teeth.

Those not-so-special effects...

Angelina Jolie almost made the audience choke on their bubbly when she said, while collecting her Best Supporting Actress award in 2000: “I’m so in love with my brother right now.”

When Laurence Olivier presented Best Film in 1984, instead of reading out the list of nominees he just opened the envelope and pronounced, “Amadeus”.

Mickey Rourke Oh boy. He dropped the F-bomb at the Baftas and wore slippers on the red carpet, so expect something weird. Plus “love of his life” Loki, a Chihuahua, died last week, so there could be a tearful, foul-mouthed tribute on the way.

The award for best sound (and fury)...

Vanessa Redgrave is a byword for controversy. While accepting the Oscar for Julia in 1977, she had to shout over boos when she attacked “Zionist hoodlums …”

Marlon Brando sent Sacheen Littlefeather up on stage to collect the Best Actor award for The Godfather in 1973 as a protest against the treatment of American Indians.

Leonardo DiCaprio had a rapt audience in 2007 when he brought Al Gore to the stage, imploring him to make a “major announcement”. Gore stalled till the orchestra drowned him out.

Sean Penn, nominated for the title role in controversy-magnet Milk, surely won’t be able to resist the temptation to tub-thump while billions watch. He is friends with Hugo Chavez, the Venezuelan President, has met and interviewed the Cuban president, Raul Castro, and has written news reports from Iran. Take your pick.