Disturbia (15)

Rear Window for juniors, or jerks, depending on your tolerance. Shia LaBeouf plays a difficult teen under house arrest after punching his teacher. He takes to spying on his foxy blonde neighbour and begins to suspect another neighbour (David Morse) of being a killer.

Now, Hitchcock may have been a creep, but he knew how to make a great movie; DJ Caruso has no particular directorial chops, no feel for tension and he films the blonde honey in the swimming-pool with lascivious, slack-jawed eagerness. Don't 16-year-olds just use the internet for ogling young girls?