DVD: Burlesque (12)

In Joseph Heller's Catch-22, one of the doomed pilots reads long, interminable books, reasoning it will prolong his life. Burlesque and The Green Hornet (see above) would have worked just as well.

Pushy Ali Rose (Christina Aguilera) is grimly determined to escape waitressing in Iowa ("Soon as I get my cheque, I'm gone," she chirps) and follow the yellow-brick road to the stripping wizard (that'll be Cher) at a shabby burlesque joint in LA. Once there, she warbles her way to sleazy stardom. This doesn't even have the decency to be camp, funny or erotic.