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DVD: Hanna (12)

Hanna is right up there among the very silliest of Hollywood thrillers, along with Derailed, The Long Kiss Goodnight and the impossibly silly 8 Million Ways to Die. Perhaps, two decades from now, Joe Wright's nonsensical actioner will be viewed as a cult classic. But, right now, it's a stinker.

Saoirse Ronan, who stood out so luminously in Wright's adaptation of Atonement, plays Hanna, a teenage girl who has been raised in the icy Finnish wilderness by her deranged daddy, Erik (Eric Bana), a former CIA agent. He has trained his daughter to be a killing machine (he often grapples with her in the snow), and has provided her with a huge amount of tedious facts about the world. Erik has kept the ethereal mite captive because of shadowy forces – well, mainly, Cate Blanchett's lunatic (she shoots and tortures clowns, and is obsessive about her teeth) intelligence agent, Marissa. She's out to kill daddy and seize Hanna. She briefly succeeds in capturing Hanna, before the kung-fu chopping youngster escapes into the arms of an intensely annoying family of hippies (Olivia Williams, Jason Flemyng, and two sprogs), travelling through Morocco, singing and hugging each other to David Bowie's "Kooks" as they go. You're pleading for Marissa's ludicrous assassin, Tom Hollander's peroxide-blond and tiny Mr Collins, to bump them off.

If a grown-up Beavis and Butt-head made a film, it would look a lot like this ill-conceived piffle. Uh huh huh huh, this is, like, cool. Huh.