DVD: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (12)

"Stop, I'm tired of this," Bella, like, totally, emotes. Aren't we all Bella, aren't we all? Kristen Stewart, so good in Adventureland, is still the only thing worth watching in this dismal saga of pasty neck-biters in Fork, Washington.

The two "boys" – Robert Pattinson's moody vamp, Edward, and Taylor Lautner's often topless werewolf – are still vying for Bella's attentions. Holy moly, sleep with one of them already! Watching this leaden teen drama is like listening to two gap-year backpackers drone on in a cheap hostel about their various "exploits". A humourless business, and it has a god-awful soft-rock soundtrack to boot.