Mirror Mirror (PG)

Starring: Julia Roberts, Lily Collins

Oh dear. This jazzed-up take on the Snow White fable is meant to be a comedy, and I'd sooner crawl through broken glass than watch it again.

Directed by alleged visionary Tarsem Singh and costumed by Eiko Ishioka, it's one of those over-designed eye-dazzlers that can't blind you to its essential ropiness. One could stand Lily Collins as the princess, and Armie Hammer as the prissy prince: they're the straight characters of the story. But Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen is neither scary-psychotic nor campy-comic, just a haughty spoilt cow who doesn't even fret about her beauty being upstaged – she seems bored by Snow White rather than threatened. Nathan Lane as her henchman Brighton mugs as if in a comedy musical, with nothing to sing. As for the Seven Dwarves, they're a fractious bunch of brigands with names like Chuck and Wolf – what, Dopey, Doc and Sleepy weren't good enough for them? In the absence of jokes maybe a few songs might have been a good idea: as it is, you may find you leave rather Grumpy.