Ondine (12A)

Neil Jordan penned this sliver of Celtic whimsy during the Hollywood writers' strike of 2007, and somehow persuaded Colin Farrell to come aboard as the lead, a one-time alcoholic fisherman who catches a mysterious beauty (Alicja Bachleda) in his nets while trawling off the West Cork coast.

Is she a mermaid, as Farrell's annoyingly "wise" young daughter believes, or a refugee from Europe? Jordan spins out this fey material to exorbitant length, roping in his old mate Stephen Rea as the town's philosophical parish priest, and Dervla Kirwan as Farrell's embittered ex-missus. When revelation of the story's soggy mysteries is finally fished out from the murk it's so underwhelming you'd be tempted to throw it right back into the water.

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