Rabbit Fever (18) <!-- none onestar twostar threestar fourstar fivestar -->

Not, alas, a John Updike adaptation but a dismal nudge-nudge Britcom about self-pleasuring. It's a mockumentary in which fake interviews are staged with various women who have become addicted to "the rabbit", a two-pronged vibrator, and a bestseller on both sides of the Atlantic.

Julian Rhind-Tutt, Sienna Guillory and Tom Hollander are among the famous faces, while some of the less famous belong to certain members of our critical fraternity - the spectacle of these poachers-turned-game will take some living down.

Enjoyment of Stephen Raphael's script depends entirely on whether you find the vibrator hilarious in itself, since there are no actual jokes that might remind you of the film's status as a comedy.