Christ on a bike – which is probably an idea the writer (Debbie Isitt) of this atrocious Christmas romp for kids entertained, given that she throws nearly everything else at the screen.
David Tennant plays good and bad twins, the former a hapless teacher leading a posse of children across country to a National Christmas Song contest, the latter a snooty conductor who drills his choir with a touch of the Gareth Malones.
Star of the show is an oafish classroom assistant (Marc Wootton) with a clown's wardrobe and a case of Attention Deficit Disorder worse than any kid's.
The contest itself is a nightmarish glimpse of stage-school exhibitionism, though even this doesn't compare with the bizarre climax in which Tennant's pregnant wife (Joanna Page) gives birth in a stable surrounded by a gawping coven of eight-year-olds. Talk about traumatising.