The Lives of The Saints (15)

The first feature film from Rankin, the fashion photographer, The Lives of The Saints is a magic-realist fable set among the tower blocks and kebab shops of Green Lanes in North London, where some crooks trip over a mysterious urchin who can make their dreams come true. The film comes across as an obscure Renaissance play which has been badly modernised, or a follow-up to Guy Ritchie's Revolver, with more pretension and less skill. Overflowing with cod-Shakespearean dialogue, cartoony gangsters and nauseating torture, it tests how many ways a film can be unwatchable.