The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (12A)
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Friday 09 July 2010
Lose the garlic and pass the smelling salts. What began as an enjoyably perverse fable of teen romance and chastity has dwindled, by this third instalment, into a sorry, soppy saga.
Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart, still the most engaging of the young cast) has plighted her troth to cuddlesome 109-year-old vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson), though wolfman Jacob (the ever-shirtless Taylor Lautner) still insists he's the one for her: "I'm gonna fight for you till your heart stops beating," which might be quite soon if evil vampire Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) has her murderous way: she's been gathering an army of "newborn" vamps in the Seattle area and intends to launch them on Bella, forcing Edward and Jacob into a reluctant alliance to protect her. As directed by David Slade, this has a smidgen of vampire-werewolf violence, tinny special effects and an awful lot of maundering between the three leads, who circle round one another endlessly, yet never manage to say anything remotely interesting. For a love triangle it's pretty square. The whole narrative procedure, as in the first two movies, is deferment: Bella and Edward love each other, but can't get it on because he's unwilling to turn her into a bloodsucker like him. So they agonise, and argue, and make up again. Repeat unto death. I accept that the continuation will delight their legions of fans, but this slow, self- important and humourless movie made me feel, well, about 109 years old.
What did you think of Eclipse? Our Culture Club is looking for reader reactions; leave yours in the comments below.
Potter's attempt to create an Essex Taj Mahal was a lovely treattv
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