Here is the news forecast for the remainder of the century

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The Independent Culture
YESTERDAY WE brought you a forecast of the main events of the first half of 1999 and today we complete our look at the year ahead.

July

Extraordinary development in Pinochet extradition case. One of the law lords is said to be against "killing" and therefore likely to be biased. Whole case starts again.

Millennium Bug is cloned in laboratory conditions.

Favourite for the Booker Prize is a novel written by an Albanian woman, set in Karachi, telling the deeply ironic story of a four-foot high man whose ambition is to be known as the next Merchant/Ivory.

England struggle in Second Test.

Bill Clinton is found guilty of perjury, embezzlement and criminal snogging by Congress. His personal ratings reach an all-time high.

Hottest July on record. Global cooling blamed.

August

Solar eclipse in Cornwall. Not many dead.

Scientists think they may have found cure for cancer.

England struggle in Fourth Test.

After six months as Britain's film censor, Andreas Whittam-Smith decides to go solo and form his own Independent Board of Film Control.

Geneticists think they may have isolated the gene which causes the urge to alter things genetically.

Richard Branson's attempt to drive first train round the world comes to grief when the 17.32 from Euston to Birmingham New Street sinks in the Bering Straits.

Hottest August on record. Solar eclipse blamed.

September

Scientists think they have found a cure for laddishness.

After Clinton is forced to resign in disgrace as US President, his ratings hit an all-time high.

Tony Blair starts second month of his holiday in Tuscany.

Scientists claim to have grown a human hand on the Millennium Bug.

After initial success, Andreas Whittam Smith's Independent Film Board hits trouble and is taken over by Mirror Newspapers.

England struggle in Seventh Test.

Outbreak of new football season. League champions lose opening fixture. Manager says: "These are early days. We can still pick ourselves up off the floor. There were a lot of players out there today not giving their all. I shall demand 100 per cent commitment. This has been a recorded interview. That will be pounds 250, please."

September is the most average month on record. Global mediocrity blamed.

October

First Christmas decorations spotted in Oxford Street.

President Al Gore fails to make mark as new president, as everyone is still obeying ousted ex-president Clinton, who draws enormous crowds everywhere.

As Tony Blair starts the third month of his Tuscan holiday, it turns out he has been trying to get home for six weeks, but has no euros to pay his fare.

Millennium Bug escapes from laboratory, starts cloning itself and terrorising the countryside. Scientists think it may have contracted Mad Bug Disease.

Darkness, dampness, dankness and despondency. Global pessimism blamed.

November

Massive last-minute rush for millennium holidays in Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim and other countries which don't use Christian calendar.

Disco disaster in East London. All music systems fail in popular club and crowds run amok. A coded call from the Millennium Bug claims responsibility.

England struggle in 19th Test.

Irish money rescues Independent Film Board.

First scheduled London-to-Midlands balloon service disrupted by adverse winds. Richard Branson promises to get everyone home from Paris by Christmas.

Chilly November. Global chilliness blamed.

December

Bill Gates in face-to-face talks with Millennium Bug. He comes back claiming victory but speaking oddly. Experts think he now has the Millennium Bug in his system.

Ex-President Clinton seizes power in USA and calls for fresh elections, claiming that he is free to stand again as he never completed his second term.

General Pinochet disappears mysteriously. Experts say that this is poetic justice.

At midnight on 31 December 1999 everything collapses in chaos except Virgin Trains, which start running smoothly on time.

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