Here Today: Telephone Mating

If you've secretly wanted to try your hand at making dirty phone calls but have always been put off by the prospect of a six-month prison term, then a night out in Caspers could provide some relief. If, however, the thought of salacious chit-chat doesn't turn you on, then maybe you should steer clear. Each table has a telephone and diners can call each other up without being recognised - set this gimmick in a dimly-lit room and it can turn even the biggest prude into a flowing pervert.

On Wednesday nights pounds 10 will get you a two course meal, a free drink and unlimited phone credit. This mid-week special attracts a fun- loving crowd, usually younger than those at the alternative fixtures of Friday and Saturday nights, since ears are further caressed by music chosen by two DJs from Kiss FM.

Most people arrive with a group of friends and huddle around single-sex tables. The first call is answered with excitement and the last with a certain indifference; they all tend to be similar. 'What's your name?' 'Richard.' 'What do you do?' 'I'm a plumber.' 'So where do you keep your tool box?' boom- boom. Conversation is Rabelaisian at best.

Every Wednesday there is a shower dance competition: selected customers are chosen by a compere to dance in one of two shower units. Costumes are provided and pounds 100 is awarded to the dancer the audience most likes. One week the clapometer reached a new high when a couple were so determined to win the competition that their performance brought one of them to their knees.

They await your call.

Caspers, 2 St Anne's Court, London W1 (071- 494 4941)