Independent Pursuits: Creativity Loki

JOB LOSSES. Huge entry, so only one go each.

Are fishermen gutted (Maureen Hewitt)? No, that's gastro-enterologists (CM Knight). Are medieval castles demoted (Matthew White)? No, that's ophthalmologists (Mary Brooker). So: is Anna Kournikova deduced (Reg Kilby)? No, that's Benito Mussolini (Derek Holmes).

Are heroes unsung (Norah Smith) and jockeys unbridled (Glyn Vinnicombe)? Are Mediterranean holiday guides exCreted (Luela Palmer) and customs officers excised (Muriel Hocking)? Are Kwik-Fit fitters retyred (Graham Thomson) and policemen re-allo-allo-allo-cated (Douglas Whetherly)?

If vasectomists get the sac (John Lamper) and eunuchs are disseminated (John Terris), would a circumciser claim severance pay (Octavia Leigh)? Do jazzmen get the sax (Alan Cook), are musicians minimalised (Bernard Sharp) and mime artists spoken to (Alan Brooker)? And if poets are diversified (Tony Brandon) and authors denounced (Joan Vinnicombe), are serial writers discontinued (Shirley Edmundson) and journalists goodbyelined (David Brunnen) and Creativity columnists outwitted (Philip Marlow)?

If topiarists are clipped (John Bronsdon) and hairdressers trimmed (Harold Smith), are telephonists disconnected (Rae Goddard)? If City traders are given the Porsche (Peter Thomas) and commissioners for oaths discussed (Claire Dalby), are Cyclops decentraleyesed (Richard Alderton)? If Moonies are dissected (John O'Byrne) and nuns are disordered (Patrick Daunt), is the House of Lords dismantled (Liz Golding)?

If secret agents are despised (Peter Houghton) and pirates dispatched (Michael Coyle), are May Queens dismayed (Margaret Woods)? If fishmongers are decoded (Margaret Watson) and teachers declasse (Rosamund Hall), are soft-toy makers deferred (Suzanne Cormack)? If architects are withdrawn (Drew Barrow) and midwives pushed, (L Hughes) are hatters doffed (Valerie Laurance)?

Are seamen disabled (Mick, Jack and Alfie), widows debrided (Bruce Birchall) and Trappist monks disquieted (Daniel Holloway)? Are colonic irrigationists given the bum's rush (Paul Turner) and estate agents subject to contract (Ian Hurdley)? Are fox-hunters hounded out (Mike Gifford) and undertakers boxed off (Andrew Duncan)?

Are rioters demobbed (JA Kelly), grooms destabilised (Bill Palmer) and garment-makers dematerialised (Martin Brown)? Are meteorologists disgusted (TM O'Grady), cashiers distilled (Colin O'Hare) and Asian refugees disoriented (Susan Tomes)? Are taxidermists stuffed (Pat Gould), jugglers dropped (Ken Moore) and balloonists let go (Tom Gaunt)? Are detectives excluded (RJ Pickles), organists stopped (JR Gore) and chefs vomited (NE Gough)?

And are Monster Raving Loony Parties devoted (Peter Fooks), accountants given a P20+5+20 (James P Hickey) and dyslexic bakers made rebundant (Vera James)?

Norah Smith, Claire Dalby, Vera James and Richard Alderton win a Chambers Dictionary of Quotations. Creative uses for a genetically modified tomato could win you one by writing to Creativity, Features, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, London E14 5DL; or e-mail Loki on: Valhalla@btinternet.com. Closing date is 25 March. On 23 March tabloid headlines from history (Pope gives birth! - for Pope Joan).

Arts and Entertainment

Film Leonardo DiCaprio hunts Tom Hardy

Arts and Entertainment
And now for something completely different: the ‘Sin City’ episode of ‘Casualty’
TV
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza

    Andrew Grice: Inside Westminster

    Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza
    Jon Stewart: The voice of Democrats who felt Obama had failed to deliver on his 'Yes We Can' slogan, and the voter he tried hardest to keep onside

    The voter Obama tried hardest to keep onside

    Outgoing The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart, became the voice of Democrats who felt the President had failed to deliver on his ‘Yes We Can’ slogan. Tim Walker charts the ups and downs of their 10-year relationship on screen
    A Very British Coup, part two: New novel in pipeline as Jeremy Corbyn's rise inspires sequel

    A Very British Coup, part two

    New novel in pipeline as Jeremy Corbyn's rise inspires sequel
    Philae lander data show comets could have brought 'building blocks of life' to Earth

    Philae lander data show comets could have brought 'building blocks of life' to Earth

    Icy dust layer holds organic compounds similar to those found in living organisms
    What turns someone into a conspiracy theorist? Study to look at why some are more 'receptive' to such theories

    What turns someone into a conspiracy theorist?

    Study to look at why some are more 'receptive' to such theories
    Chinese web dissenters using coded language to dodge censorship filters and vent frustration at government

    Are you a 50-center?

    Decoding the Chinese web dissenters
    The Beatles film Help, released 50 years ago, signalled the birth of the 'metrosexual' man

    Help signalled birth of 'metrosexual' man

    The Beatles' moptop haircuts and dandified fashion introduced a new style for the modern Englishman, says Martin King
    Hollywood's new diet: Has LA stolen New York's crown as the ultimate foodie trend-setter?

    Hollywood's new diet trends

    Has LA stolen New York's crown as the ultimate foodie trend-setter?
    6 best recipe files

    6 best recipe files

    Get organised like a Bake Off champion and put all your show-stopping recipes in one place
    Ashes 2015: Steven Finn goes from being unselectable to simply unplayable

    Finn goes from being unselectable to simply unplayable

    Middlesex bowler claims Ashes hat-trick of Clarke, Voges and Marsh
    Mullah Omar, creator of the Taliban, is dead... for the fourth time

    Mullah Omar, creator of the Taliban, is dead... again

    I was once told that intelligence services declare their enemies dead to provoke them into popping up their heads and revealing their location, says Robert Fisk
    Margaret Attwood on climate change: 'Time is running out for our fragile, Goldilocks planet'

    Margaret Atwood on climate change

    The author looks back on what she wrote about oil in 2009, and reflects on how the conversation has changed in a mere six years
    New Dr Seuss manuscript discovered: What Pet Should I Get? goes on sale this week

    New Dr Seuss manuscript discovered

    What Pet Should I Get? goes on sale this week
    Oculus Rift and the lonely cartoon hedgehog who could become the first ever virtual reality movie star

    The cartoon hedgehog leading the way into a whole new reality

    Virtual reality is the 'next chapter' of entertainment. Tim Walker gives it a try
    Ants have unique ability to switch between individual and collective action, says study

    Secrets of ants' teamwork revealed

    The insects have an almost unique ability to switch between individual and collective action