Tacky talons instantly put you in the same league as all the other Great Nail Queens: Barbra Streisand, Tina Turner, Roberta Flack. Big women with big voices, big hair and big everything.
The average job at nail art - lilac and gold hearts, say - will set you back around pounds 125; pounds 55 for the baked-on false tips and then pounds 7 a nail for artwork. Both the nails and the artwork should last around two months.
8 Nails To Go, Hyper Hyper, 26-40 High Street Kensington, London, W8 (0171 795 6333).