Lyric Sheets

In a move to counter supermarket chains selling CDs and videos, Tower Records this week begins selling cut-price fruit and veg at its main London store.

Number One with a Bullace

They published and were damsoned

The Tower Records Charts

As straight in with a bullet

Came fruit and veg upstarts

The apples boasted Hardcore

And crashed the pip parade

The Stones were passed by Peach Boys

The swedes then outsold Suede

As pop fans went bananas

The music biz awoke

In album names like Go Mango

or worse, Sheer Artichoke

"To boost our circulation,"

said NME and Q,

"We interviewed a turnip."

The readers asked, "What's new?"

And only Neneh Cherry

Retained her cutting edge

By covering "Green Onions"

As pop went fruit and veg.

Martin Newell's new book `Poetic Licence - the Best of The Independent' is published on 5 Dec but is available mail order now as a special offer to `Independent' readers. Please send cheque/po for pounds 6 (inc p&p) payable to Newell To Jump, 75 Ilverton Street, London NW5 2NX