Music: Lyric Sheets: Long Lost Lennons
Friday 28 August 1998
With Lennon's long-lost sister turning up
And tabloid hacks "researching" day and night,
Events transpired to shake the showbiz world
As, one by one, the others came to light.
The Beatle's auntie Brenda was the first,
A woman in her seventies from York
Who, suddenly discovering the likeness,
Had phoned the paper saying she wished to talk.
Resemblances were spooky, they agreed:
Her hair was just like John's when he was hip,
She wore the granny glasses, like he did,
And even had the 'tache upon her lip.
All hell broke loose as brothers, sons and aunts
Emerged to plague the former star's estate.
Solicitors for Yoko held the fort
And batted off impostors at the gate.
And I myself discovered a connection
Through recent revelations from my mother:
John Lennon's cousin's auntie's sister's dad
Is also mine, so I might be his brother.
But if this is the case I don't want money,
I only cite this evidence as true:
In common with the star I often walk with
The same amount of legs, which number two
Oscars 2015 Mexican filmmaker uses speech to urge 'respect' for immigrants
Oscars 2015 Bringing you all the news from the 87th Academy Awards
TV ReviewThe intrigue deepens as we delve further but don't expect any answers just yet
Razzies 2015 Golden Raspberry Awards 'honours' Cameron Diaz and Kirk Cameron
Film Hollywood's new leading lady talks about her Ramsay Street days
Oscar voter speaks outfilm
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Forget 'The Dress': Here are five of the biggest news stories you might have missed
- 2 The black and blue dress: Makers considering a white and gold version
- 3 PornHub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
- 4 The remarkable archaeological underwater discovery that could open up a new chapter in the study of European and British prehistory
- 5 Saudi Muslim cleric claims the Earth is 'stationary' and the sun rotates around it
Drake matches The Beatles' record with 14 singles in top 100 chart at the same time
Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl: First look at Oscar winner as transgender artist
Catwoman comes out as bisexual
Fifty Shades of Grey movie shows first sex scene 'after 40 minutes'
Justin Kelly interview: On James Franco playing a gay man who renounces his homosexuality
New theory could prove how life began and disprove God
Half of Ukip voters say they are prejudiced against people of other races
This is what it's like to be dead, according to a guy who died for a bit
'Cash for access' scandal: Sir Malcolm Rifkind says 'unrealistic' for MPs to live on £67,000 salary
'Jihadi John': CAGE representative storms off Sky News accusing Kay Burley of Islamophobia
Ukip would cut billions from Scottish budget to fund English tax cuts