Music: Lyric Sheets: Long Lost Lennons
Friday 28 August 1998
With Lennon's long-lost sister turning up
And tabloid hacks "researching" day and night,
Events transpired to shake the showbiz world
As, one by one, the others came to light.
The Beatle's auntie Brenda was the first,
A woman in her seventies from York
Who, suddenly discovering the likeness,
Had phoned the paper saying she wished to talk.
Resemblances were spooky, they agreed:
Her hair was just like John's when he was hip,
She wore the granny glasses, like he did,
And even had the 'tache upon her lip.
All hell broke loose as brothers, sons and aunts
Emerged to plague the former star's estate.
Solicitors for Yoko held the fort
And batted off impostors at the gate.
And I myself discovered a connection
Through recent revelations from my mother:
John Lennon's cousin's auntie's sister's dad
Is also mine, so I might be his brother.
But if this is the case I don't want money,
I only cite this evidence as true:
In common with the star I often walk with
The same amount of legs, which number two
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 If I were Prime Minister: I'd give tax cuts to the rich, keep Trident, and get my football team wrong
- 2 Top Gear: Jodie Kidd, Philip Glenister and Guy Martin 'in advanced talks' to join show
- 3 General Election 2015: 14-year-old boy asks Nick Clegg – 'can you kill Katie Hopkins?'
- 4 University student in court for allegedly covering housemates' food in window cleaner and spit
- 5 Garland shooting: Isis claims attack on Prophet Mohamed cartoon contest in Texas as its first action on US soil
Top Gear: Jodie Kidd, Philip Glenister and Guy Martin 'in advanced talks' to join show
Eurovision 2015: What date is the song contest and who are the favourites to win?
Game of Thrones, season 5 episode 4, review: Sansa in danger of becoming another footnote in Westeros' bloody history
Noel Gallagher 'cannot wait' to hear Oasis-inspired One Direction album but rants about 'pointless' Tidal and Spotify
The highly NSFW poster for Gaspar Noé's Love makes Nymphomaniac look like 50 Shades
In defence of liberal democracy
The Rothschild Libel: Why has it taken 200 years for an anti-Semitic slur that emerged from the Battle of Waterloo to be dismissed?
General Election 2015: UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power, Labour warns
General election live: SNP suspends two members for disrupting Labour rally
Schools forced to act as 'miniature welfare states' with teachers buying underwear and even haircuts for poor pupils
Andy McSmith's Sketch: Feisty audience is the real star of an enlightening show