If only. The Kiwi premier has come under fire after an embarrassing gaffe in which he is said to have described David Beckham as being "thick as bat s**t". A bit like the Andrew Mitchell of Oceania, except instead of saying it to Beckham's face, he said it in the presence of young children at a school.
Poor kids! Poor Becksy!
We know, it does seem a little unfair. Beckham may not have that much to say when it comes to current affairs, but he was always the quiet type.
Has he apologised?
During an interview he said: "Somebody has overheard a personal conversation and that's their recollection of it. I am just not going to engage in discussions about that." But he has since conceded that the former England captain must be a bit smart, admitting: "He's made more money than me."
What are the chances it's true?
Well, he was in trouble only last week when he called a radio presenter "gay" on-air. He justified the remark by saying "gay" just means "weird". Comedian Guy Williams tweeted yesterday: "John Key is quickly becoming to New Zealand what Borat was to Kazakhstan."