News of the Weird: Stories From Around The World That Didn't Make The Headlines

Lord is my Shepherd

Somerset: At East Coker, the instructions left by a farmer, Peter Mead, were carried out. Not only was his body taken to the church on his tractor and trailer, but the route was lined by his mourning flock of Dorset Horn sheep. In his address to the (human) congregation, the Rev David Hunt noted that Mr Mead's last words had been "I'm so glad I got the broad beans in".

Pennsylvania: A hotline has been set up in Philadelphia for those who want help in restoring their faith. The toll-free number is: 1 877 BLESS ME.

Kansas: At the town of Parsons, fittingly enough, two firemen were delivering a metal ladder for a church-painting project at the Family Christian Center when it touched some electric lines and electrocuted them.

London: An advertising hoarding in Golders Green, put up by Jews For Jesus, which seeks to convert the Jewish to Christianity ("Think for Yourself!"), has been repeatedly blacked out.

Let Go

Maryland: In Rock Hall, police chief Kevin Winsted had a dream, and it cost him his job. He told a colleague about his dream of a burning building: the council took this as a threat and - uh - fired him. He is suing for $12m and says that the real reason for his dismissal was that, in a drugs crackdown, several councillors' nephews were arrested.

Canada: In America, dead people have been political candidates, but 100-year-old Lille Muir, who was banned from standing for election on grounds of decrepitude, insists that it is simply slight deafness.

Priapic Diversions

Cornwall: Heterosexual intercourse can now resume throughout the county. It was off the agenda in November as local officials feared that there might be complications in resultant pregnancies if the journey to hospital were to be held up by roads blocked with the many motorists keen to see next year's total eclipse of the sun.

Virginia: "Castrate 'em, that's what I say! Stands to reason, doesn't it, guv?" Things are never as simple as cabbies would have us believe. A rapist, Joseph Smith of Richmond, agreed in 1983 to chemical castration, a process by which injection made him impotent. He now faces charges of 75 subsequent assaults.

Innocent Pleasure

Portugal: A Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra is one thing, but in Leiria, Professor Paulo Lameiro holds concerts of Mozart and Bach that are strictly for babies.

Arizona: An eight-year-old Flagstaff girl caused an outcry across the nation when she said that she had seen a golfer hit a dog with his club. She later said she had made it up.

Massachusetts: Three-year-old Emilee Nicholas of Pittsfield has been called twice for jury service (the computer said she was 38), and each time dismissed, but she has added a word to her vocabulary: "guilty!"

Wisconsin: There was nothing that doctors could do when Karen Kuffer brought her 15-year-old daughter Kay into Mercy Hospital in Janesville. She weighed 15lb 1oz, and was dead. Some while before, Mrs Kuffer had stopped taking her daughter, a cerebral palsy victim, to the doctor and was certain that she could look after her unaided. Her attorney insisted that she was "cared for in a loving family that did the best they could".

Ohio: School buses continue to be a problem. This time, a driver overlooked Ryan Reynolds, a three-year-old with Down's Syndrome, and left him strapped in his seat in a parking lot at the Stark County Board of Mental Retardation. Ryan would have been left even longer had his parents not arrived to take him to a doctor. The father wants the driver sacked, but the Board insists: "we have a sterling record".

Fellow Creatures

Connecticut: The habit of putting dead deer to untoward uses has not abated: this time a severed head was found in a student lavatory at West Haven High School.

Massachusetts: John and Gert Knight, of Swansea, were fond of the 15- lb frog that sat in their garden with other cement animals, including a Lady Frog. Imagine their upset, then, at his disappearance. It was some consolation when a note duly arrived: "Sick of sitting on your lawn. Had to get away. Love, The Frog". That was on a card from Chesapeake Bay. Since then, the frog has written from New York, Indonesia, Venezuela and Venice: "I'm just off to find myself. I'm sure you understand". Photos were sent to bear out the truth of his peregrinations. He confesses to missing the Lady Frog and promises to be home in time for Christmas.

Thailand: In Lopburi, hundreds of monkeys have been given another feast, laid out on red tablecloths at the town's Three Pagoda Compound. This bounty was provided by Yongyuth Kitwatananusont in gratitude for the good fortune that the animals have brought him. It is self-fuelling: thousands of people now come to watch the feast - and spend lots of money in Mr K's many shops and hotels.

Travel News

Chicago: Charles Gardner had a go when two delinquents stole his car. He grabbed the roof-rack and held on for 20 minutes while, with 30 police cars giving chase, it went through two fences, knocked down a lamppost and grazed electrical wires. The burns landed him in hospital, but he kept his car.

Quits

New Zealand: Six riders at the Canterbury International Agriculture Show did some calculations and realised that the $28 prize money was less than it cost to enter the hurdle race. Spectators were astonished when - mid-race - they made their horses leave the course. Said the show's organiser: "Of course, I'm annoyed".

Arizona: A third of Tucson's obstetrician-gynaecologists have refused to work for HealthPartners HMO as the insurer does not pay enough to provide adequate care. Around 25,000 women now have just a few months to find different doctors.

Season's Greetings

New York: A woman thought she'd got a bargain of a basting-dish back in 1995 from "World of 99c". Alas, this year it collapsed and she was scalded taking her Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven. She is suing for $2m.

Chicago: Most years since 1982, gold coins have been dropped in Salvation Army kettles around the city. So far this year, two American $50 coins and one British gold coin have featured. Last year there were 34 of them, making a total of $9,000.

Iowa: In Davenport, Mel Smith found the ideal present for his murder- mystery-loving girlfriend. A snip at $550: the boat in which the killer James Klindt took his wife's dismembered body to be dumped.

New Jersey: Every year in Jersey City, there is a struggle to build a nativity scene in front of City Hall. This year, as always, the mayor has been thwarted by the American Civil Liberties Union, which claims that such religious displays are counter to the Constitution.

Cutting Edge

Holland: The Dutch have just completed a 40-volume dictionary after 147 years - and its vocabulary stops at the year 1976.