Pop: Lyric sheets: The BBC is facing 'Top of the Pops' off against 'Coronation Street'...

TOTP... a nation mourns

The MD and his A&R

Were looking at the charts,

"Not only have they switched the day

But look what time it starts

The BBC have stitched us up

TOTP's on Fri.

And all the stuff we want to sell

Will pass the punters by

Now what does this imply?"

"Are you trying to say," he asked

"That if they had a choice

Instead of all our putrid stuff That Vera Duckworth's voice

Competing for attention

Would light the nation's candle?

"A good job that we signed her then

I'm sure the kids could handle

A gritty Northern rapper type

Behind a techno track

A dancefloor smash for

Vera D

It's called The ER Jack"

"ER Jack. ER Jack

Brewery wagon's roundt' back

'Appen it's crushed Percy's bike

Is he happy? 'Eckaslike!"

"This is just the start of it,"

Grinned the proud MD

"Wait 'til you hear Ambient Street

Featuring Kenny B"