Radio: Heard on air

"Caviare caveat emptor" - that's clever stuff, Nigel. What are you doing listening to this?

Ken Bruce (R2)

I didn't know we were allowed to mention brothels on Radio 4. Perhaps it's all right if you don't connect them with Cabinet ministers.

Ned Sherrin

Counterpoint (R4)

You have to be sorry for the meteorologists of Penrith. They had so much rain the bottom fell out of their equipment and they couldn't measure it.

Jamie Crick

Classic FM

Chains of love that never falter, leading us heavenly to the altar. Feel the flow from a loved one's touch. Being in love sometimes can be too much.

Caller, Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs (R2)

Never let it be said that when Marjorie Antrobus feels the need for tea and cakes she holds back.

The Archers (R4)

There's a lot of mythology about stress these days. Half the previous generation were up chimneys or down mines by the age of 14.

Amanda Patmore

Woman's Hour (R4)

Yes, Martin Clunes does have a bigger cod-piece than Joseph Fiennes - but he's got a smaller part.

Richard E Grant

Simon Mayo (R1)

Britain's first willow-fuelled power-station has just had its foundation stone laid.

Open Country (R4)

Foxes have more rights in this country than unborn babies.

Caller, No Prisoners (Talk)

I have put my husband through it rather badly, but he can relax now.

Margaret Cook

Midweek (R4)