So way out, no way in: Tamsin Blanchard joins the terminally trendy in the queue for the cutting edge

THEY PASS EACH OTHER on the catwalk that is Soho's Old Compton Street, or meet in noisy coffee bars around Portobello Road.

'Hi, how are you?'

'Fine. You?'

'Yeah, great. Well, bye. See you around.'

Nothing to say, but in a few short moments they have clocked each other from head to foot: hair colour, wraparound plastic cycling sunglasses, tiniest rucksack ever. And they will see each other 'around' - for fashion victims congregate in the same few shops, bars and clubs.

Soho is important: FVs like to hang out there because it is near Saint Martin's School of Art on Charing Cross Road, and they either go there, went there, or would like to go there. So the weekend starts there: Friday afternoon, the Living Room coffee bar, Bateman Street. The comfy old sofas are ideal for talking about your clothes, bitching about other people's clothes, making plans for the night ahead and drinking caffe latte - never just coffee.

The milk in the coffee is important because it is one of the FV's only sources of protein. Food comes way down the list of staples, after clothes, clubs and caffeine, cigarettes and chewing gum.

Friday night gets going after ten, in the queue outside Riki Tik Bar-Cafe.

(FVs spend a lot of time in queues, waiting to get into places that are even more fashionable than them.) 'Can I come in? I'm looking for my friend,' yells someone to the doorman.

'He's wearing PVC.' The doorman is not impressed: 'They're all wearing PVC'.

Riki Tik's walls are painted with futuristic graphics in blue and orange.

The bar was designed by the person who did Bjork's record covers. And the frozen shots of vodka are flavoured with Rolo, or Fox's Glacier Mint. The toilets, although tiny, are a favourite hangout, and essential for checking lipstick (red and ultra glossy, or pink and frosted) and hair (bleached white or leopard print).

This week, Studio 94 is the place to be on Friday nights. The club's flyer (left at all the FV's favourite shops) shows a pneumatic disco babe wearing a sequinned boob tube, spray-on shiny stretch-satin jeans and strappy, high-heeled sandals, and makes this promise: 'We aim to supply you with decadent levels of glitz and glamour on two floors of the purist (sic) chic.'

There are models and 'faces' galore. For an FV, dancing next to model-of-the-minute Keith Martin (wearing a wig and an acrylic-knit jumper) is nirvana - like stepping straight into a fashion spread in the Face.

How do you cap that? With another caffeine shot at Bar Italia or Comptons in Soho, and then home to W10.

Shopping is hell on Saturdays (even Portobello Market, second-hand clothes heaven at the Golborne Road end, is better on Friday mornings), but it's got to be done.

Vivienne Westwood's World's End shop, always a mecca for FVs, is pulling them in with the elevator platform shoes and black patent leather spike heels. (If money is tight, Faith, further up King's Road, is selling similar spikes for a quarter of the price - and they have been photographed in Vogue.) Then it's a 15-minute ride on the number 19 to Covent Garden, to Sign of the Times (turquoise satin trousers and a handful of club flyers), Muji (spaghetti strap vest), Red or Dead (just for a look) and Duffer of St George (tiny T-shirt).

November's magazines should be out by now, so the FV's next stop is the magazine shop on Old Compton Street, for Italian Vogue, Interview, Fad, Dazed & Confused, the Face, Vibe, Planet (because it is new), Raygun (because it is pretentious and unreadable), and any obscure foreign magazines.

Most of Saturday night is spent getting ready to stand in a queue, either outside 'Been There, Seen it Done it. .', the club night hosted by Dazed & Confused, or Heaven.

Sunday is just another shopping opportunity. After a late brunch at WKD Cafe in Camden Town (here, unusually, one eats), it's time for bargain hunting.

The FV does not look at the tie-dye and hippy rags but searches out anything that glitters, at Asi-La Punk or Funk, a tiny cubby-hole of a shop next to the Tube station. But the heart of FV Camden Market is away from the crowds of tourists, at the Chalk Farm end - where an old, battered British Airways flight bag costs pounds 16, there are Chinese padded jackets (the DIY version of Jean-Paul's look for this winter), and acid-yellow satin loons scream for attention. Which is precisely what the FV will do when wearing them next weekend.

Arts and Entertainment
Sir Nicholas Serota has been a feature in the Power 100 top ten since its 2002 launch
art
Arts and Entertainment
Awesome foursome: Sam Smith shows off his awards
music22-year-old confirms he is 2014’s breakout British music success
Arts and Entertainment
Contestants during this summer's Celebrity Big Brother grand finale
tvBroadcaster attempts to change its image following sale to American media group
Arts and Entertainment
Sarah Dales attempts to sell British Breeze in the luxury scent task
tvReview: 'Apprentice' candidate on the verge of tears as they were ejected from the boardroom
Arts and Entertainment
Kate Bush: 'I'm going to miss everyone so much'
music
PROMOTED VIDEO
Arts and Entertainment
Laura Wood, winner of the Montegrappa Scholastic Prize for New Children’s Writing
books

Children's bookseller wins The Independent's new author search

Arts and Entertainment
Pulling the strings: Spira Mirabilis

music
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment
Neville's Island at Duke of York's theatre
musicReview: The production has been cleverly cast with a quartet of comic performers best known for the work on television
Arts and Entertainment
Banksy's 'The Girl with the Pierced Eardrum' in Bristol

art
Arts and Entertainment
Lynda Bellingham stars in her last Oxo advert with on-screen husband Michael Redfern

tv
Arts and Entertainment
Hunger Games actress Jena Malone has been rumoured to be playing a female Robin in Batman v Superman

film
Arts and Entertainment
Tim Minchin portrait
For a no-holds-barred performer who is scathing about woolly thinking and oppressive religiosity, Tim Minchin is surprisingly gentle
Arts and Entertainment
Clara takes the lead in 'Flatline' while the Doctor remains in the Tardis
tvReview: The 'Impossible Girl' earns some companion stripes... but she’s still annoying in 'Dr Who, Flatline'
Arts and Entertainment
Joy Division photographed around Waterloo Road, Stockport, near Strawberry Studios. The band are Bernard Sumner (guitar and keyboards), Stephen Morris (drums and percussion), Ian Curtis (vocals and occasional guitar), Peter Hook (bass guitar and backing vocals).
books
Arts and Entertainment
Sean Harris in 'The Goob' film photocall, at the Venice International Film Festival 2014
filmThe Bafta-winner talks Hollywood, being branded a psycho, and how Streisand is his true inspiration
Arts and Entertainment
X Factor contestant Fleur East
tvReview: Some lacklustre performances - but the usual frontrunners continue to excel
Arts and Entertainment
Richard Tuttle's installation in the Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern
artAs two major London galleries put textiles in the spotlight, the poor relation of the creative world is getting recognition it deserves
Arts and Entertainment
Hunger Games actress Jena Malone has been rumoured to be playing a female Robin in Batman v Superman
film
Arts and Entertainment
On top of the world: Actress Cate Blanchett and author Richard Flanagan
artsRichard Flanagan's Man Booker win has put paid to the myth that antipodean artists lack culture
Arts and Entertainment
The Everyman, revamped by Haworth Tompkins
architectureIt beats strong shortlist that included the Shard, the Library of Birmingham, and the London Aquatics Centre
Arts and Entertainment
Justice is served: Robert Downey Jr, Vincent D’Onofrio, Jeremy Strong and Robert Duvall in ‘The Judge’

Film

Arts and Entertainment
Clive Owen (centre) in 'The Knick'

TV

Arts and Entertainment
J.K. Simmons , left, and Miles Teller in a scene from

Film

Arts and Entertainment
Team Tenacity pitch their fetching solar powered, mobile phone charging, heated, flashy jacket
tvReview: No one was safe as Lord Sugar shook things up
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

    A crime that reveals London's dark heart

    How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
    Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

    Lost in translation: Western monikers

    Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
    Handy hacks that make life easier: New book reveals how to rid your inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone

    Handy hacks that make life easier

    New book reveals how to rid your email inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone with a loo-roll
    KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

    KidZania: It's a small world

    The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker
    Renée Zellweger's real crime has been to age in an industry that prizes women's youth over humanity

    'Renée Zellweger's real crime was to age'

    The actress's altered appearance raised eyebrows at Elle's Women in Hollywood awards on Monday
    From Cinderella to The Jungle Book, Disney plans live-action remakes of animated classics

    Disney plans live-action remakes of animated classics

    From Cinderella to The Jungle Book, Patrick Grafton-Green wonders if they can ever recapture the old magic
    Thousands of teenagers to visit battlefields of the First World War in new Government scheme

    Pupils to visit First World War battlefields

    A new Government scheme aims to bring the the horrors of the conflict to life over the next five years
    The 10 best smartphone accessories

    Make the most of your mobile: 10 best smartphone accessories

    Try these add-ons for everything from secret charging to making sure you never lose your keys again
    Mario Balotelli substituted at half-time against Real Madrid: Was this shirt swapping the real reason?

    Liverpool v Real Madrid

    Mario Balotelli substituted at half-time. Was shirt swapping the real reason?
    West Indies tour of India: Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

    Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

    Decision to pull out of India tour leaves the WICB fighting for its existence with an off-field storm building
    Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

    A new American serial killer?

    Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
    Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

    Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

    Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
    Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

    Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

    Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
    Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

    Wildlife Photographer of the Year

    Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
    Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

    Want to change the world? Just sign here

    The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?