The Weekly Muse
The blackberries and dog-rose hips
Grow swollen by the damp
And tremble in northwesterlies
By Wandlebury Camp,
And as the gale on Gog-Magog
Blows south to Babraham College
We join a Cambridge scientist
Who passes us this knowledge:
"A newborn lamb brought up by goats
Or newborn goat, vice versa,
May grow to love his foster-mum
More than his own precursor.
The upshot of this strange research
And ultimate conclusion
Supports the work of Sigmund Freud
On Oedpial confusion."
In other words, men go for girls
Much more than any others
Who have a thing about them which
Reminds them of their mothers.
So could this be the reason why
The women that I choose
Always wear WAAF uniforms,
Gas masks and clumpy shoes?
According to a Mori poll
Our nation's taste in art
Is comfortable, like Constable
(Cue shot of rustic cart).
The people in the provinces
Know what they like, no doubt,
So objects such as piles of bricks
Or pickled sheep are out.
The TUC are furious,
They rail and rage and hector -
An iron hand upon the purse
Afflicts the public sector,
Unless you're reappointed
As Ofsted Chief Inspector
Or hold the magic title
"Millennium Dome Director".
The National Year of Reading
Is happening, as of now,
And should you wish to try it
It's one stop after Slough.
As mentioned in the media
The trains are still a mess
So, late for Geri's auction,
I failed to get that dress,
The union jack creation
Which barely hid her bum,
It would have done my girlfriend
(Who looks quite like my mum).
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