21 of Chandler Bing's best one-liners from Friends

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The Independent Culture

Each Friends fan has their favourite character, but it is a truth universally acknowledged that Chandler, portrayed by Matthew Perry, is "the funny one".

If any proof was needed of this, you only need to go through the staggering list of one-liners he makes on the show.

We've put together a list of 20 of his best moments - let us know if we missed any out. 

1) Phoebe: "One of my clients died today on the massage table."

Chandler: "Well that's a little more relaxed than you wanted him to get."

2) "Until I was 25, I thought that the only response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh, crap!’”

3) "I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"


4) "I’m funny, right? What do you know, you’re a door. You only like knock-knock jokes."

5) Rachel: "Chandler, you have the best taste in men."

Chandler: "Like father like son."

6) Joey: (running after bus with Chandler) "Ben! Ben! Ben!"

Chandler: "Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord."

7) Monica: "Why is your family Scottish?!"

Chandler: "Why is your family Ross?"

8) Phoebe: "Do you guys know anything about chicks?"

Chandler: "Fowl? No. Women? No."


9) Ross [on the phone]: "No, Homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect."

Chandler: "Well, maybe he was nervous"

10) Kathy to Chandler: "Wow, you have really gorgous hair."

Chandler: "Thanks, I grow it myself."

11) Chandler: "I just don't get it. We didn't do anything wrong!"

Monica: "I know. Although you did tell an awful lot of jokes."

Chandler: "I thought you said those jokes were funny! Joke, joke, joke, joke!"

Monica: "Joke, joke, blah, blah!"

Chandler: "Well maybe it was all of your questions."

Monica: "What was wrong with my questions?"

Chandler: "The sheer volume. It was like flying with The Riddler."

Monica: "I'm sorry, was that another joke?"

Chandler: "Was that another question?"


12) Monica introducing Brad Pitt’s character: "This is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will." 

Chandler: "Hey, I'd shake your hand but I'm into the game... plus I think it would be  better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other."

13) Ross: "I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy."

Chandler: "Do you want us to leave the room?"

14) Joey: "So, you’re playing a little Playstation, huh? That’s whack. Playstation is whack. ‘Sup with the whack Playstation, ‘sup? Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?"

Chandler: "Yes, on a scale from one to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19."

15) Phoebe: "I just realized something. Joker is poker with a j… coincidence?"

Chandler: "Hey, that’s 'joincidence'… with a c."

16) Joey: Whoa! Jam! I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?

Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.


17) Susie Moss [Julia Roberts]: "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?”

Chandler: “Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it?”

18) Joey: "Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey says hello. He'll know what it means."

Chandler: "Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?"


19) Monica: "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."

Chandler: "How do you find clothes that fit?"

20) Joey: "I kind of had a dream. (Pause) But I don't wanna talk about it."

Chandler: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! What if Martin Luther King had said that?"

21) Joey: "Some girl ate Monica!"

Monica: "Shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds"

Chandler: "So how many cameras are actually on you?"