This portrayal of traveller life shows huge ignorance – but not from the Gypsies

Roxy Freeman says Channel 4's smash hit 'Big Fat Gypsy Wedding', which ends tonight, does not reflect the society she knows so well

Like much of the country, I've been tuning into Channel 4's Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. The first episode made me wince with embarrassment and shame. I did not like what I saw, but over the following weeks I could not turn it off. I was born into a travelling family so, naturally, was excited to see what the programme had to offer. Its introduction states that "this series will take you to the heart of Gypsy life". But it left me bewildered.

Gypsy Wedding focused on the lavish ceremonies and outdated traditions of a very small part of the travelling community and was totally unrepresentative of travellers as a whole. Most of those featured are Irish travellers, not Romany Gypsies. Romany Gypsies are an ethnic minority group who have lived a nomadic life in Europe since the 13th century, when it is thought they travelled from India before dispersing throughout the continent. Most Romanies work the land, travel in small family groups and leave without a trace.

Irish travellers – or tinkers, as we know them – have existed for just a few centuries. Historians suspect Irish travellers were settled folk who took to the road owing to famine, war and the upheaval of colonisation. Gypsies are dark, because of their Indian origins; travellers are usually blue-eyed Celts. But people rarely distinguish between the two because of their shared, nomadic way of life. I do not categorise myself as purely either of these groups because my mother and father are from very different backgrounds. They brought up their children in a unique way, but I have lived amongst travellers and Gypsies for most of my life.

Big Fat Gypsy Wedding is about travellers, but still it fails to represent most of us or portray the positive side of our lifestyle. Many travellers do love a bit of sparkle and extravagance. But most do not spend their savings on a wedding dress that weighs more than the bride, or spray-tan their six-year-old children.

Channel 4, with the help of dressmaker Thelma Madine, has sought out a few extreme families keen for five minutes of fame. Oblivious to the long-term effects of their disclosure, these people have opened their doors to the cameras and in the process

opened the floodgates for a tirade of bigoted views about Gypsies. Every newspaper's online comment page has a stream of nasty reader remarks about the "untrustworthy" and "ignorant" nature of the community.

But the programme suggests that all travellers and Gypsies live in the way the participants are portrayed. In reality, they represent a small minority. It is like taking The Only Way Is Essex and saying: "This is how all English, settled people celebrate."

Big Fat Gypsy Wedding also focused on a so-called tradition, referred to as "grabbing". I have never heard of such a thing. One presumes that the phrase came from some of the girls speaking about the tactile courting process as "grabbing" in jest, and some clever editing took place.

Sure, the traveller boys can be heavy handed, but do not believe for a minute that sexual abuse is accepted within the travelling community or that it is given a humorous label, because it is certainly not. Some aspects are accurate. Traveller girls do marry young, and are expected to keep the home tidy as soon as they can walk. But cooking and cleaning are essential life skills, and the younger you learn to work hard, the more prepared you are for life. In many respects, traveller families are old-fashioned. They believe that the woman's place is in the home, raising the children and cooking the food. But there is a lot to be said for old-fashioned values. These people are living their lives the best way they know; they are not being forced into marriage and many of them are extremely content.

It is hard to penetrate through the thick layers of mainstream prejudice. So most travellers and Gypsies stick with what they know. But for me, and most other women from a travelling background, family values are deeply instilled. Whether we are still living within the travelling community or not, we look out for our own. We have a sense of community that is sadly lacking in mainstream society.

Like the girls in the Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, I was washing floors and cooking the family meals at a young age. I am grateful that these skills are second nature to me. I do not live on the road, but much of my family does. Some relatives legally occupy their own land, but still come up against opposition. Gypsies defy the dreams of those wanting a homogeneous society, which is crime enough in many people's eyes.

The extreme ignorance to our way of live saddens and infuriates me, but people only notice the negative side of a travelling life. With programmes such as Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, that is no surprise. Channel 4 has reported record-breaking ratings, which suggests that people are interested in our nomadic way of life. Unfortunately, all this programme has done is add "laughing stock" to the long list of insults that we already face.

'Little Gypsy' by Roxy Freeman, will be released by Simon and Schuster in July