10,000 BC: Two Tribes, TV review - when a fight for survival means not having a mobile phone for eight weeks

Twenty four volunteers were holed up in the Bulgarian wilderness for the latest series of Channel 5's reality TV show

Back to nature: contestants re-create the Stone Age in ‘10,000 BC: Two Tribes’ (Channel 5)

Did you wash your hair this morning? Brush your teeth? I'm guessing you at least applied a lick of deodorant. Whatever you did, it was a darn sight more than the poor people holed up in the Bulgarian wilderness for the latest series of reality TV show 10,000 BC: Two Tribes.

Now in its second series, the show sees Channel 5 send 24 volunteers "back to the Stone Age". What this means in TV terms is they drop them off in the forest, strip them of soap, mobile phones and their dignity then leave them to fight for their survival – if having three camps pre-built for you classes as "fighting for survival".

This season, which opened tonight in a fog of bear skins and biceps, there is a twist. The contestants don't know that there are – or at least that there will be – two rival tribes wandering in the wilderness. The second group is scheduled to arrive during tomorrow night's episode and one can only assume full-scale war will break out soon after – I've read Lord of the Flies, I know how this ends.

Builder Dan clearly sees himself as the next Ben Fogle – that is he's signed up in the hope of being spirited away to a better life on Countryfile. And he might be in with a chance – he's physically fit, looks good without a shirt, is fairly well-spoken and is perceptive enough to weed out the weaklings.

"Jay, he cracks me up… I just can't believe how little someone could know," he said of the unemployed Kidderminster lad who, having previously quit a string of jobs, now wants to prove he is "not a quitter". Dan also has his priorities sorted: "What will I miss most? Showers and a toothbrush."

Never mind having to butcher a pig's head or not knowing where your next meal is coming from, we should all be focused on the fact they can't wash their hair for eight weeks.

Returning to the Stone Age is an interesting concept for a TV show but simply marooning gangs of volunteers and leaving them to fend for themselves has been done before. See Castaway (Fogle's breakthrough), Shipwrecked and The Island to name a few. But where they fall down is that as much as the voiceovers try to convince us otherwise, we all know Channel 5 isn't really going to let anyone starve to death. Or be ripped apart by a rival tribe. Or be smashed on the head by a rock. Then again, didn't Lord of the Flies feature a severed pig's head? Jay should be very afraid.