MasterChef lacked one ingredient: suspense
You have to have a big appetite for superlatives if you're to
consume an entire MasterChef final.
In fact, a funnel would come in handy sometimes, like they use on foie gras geese. You end up glutted with overheard praise, so bloated with artificial rapture and foodie ecstasy that you feel, like Mr Creosote in the Monty Python sketch, that you might actually explode if John Torode or Gregg Wallace add even one wafer-thin extra compliment to the groaning buffet of admiration they've just served up. It's because it's the last show I guess. There's not really any more mileage in constructive criticism and though it's useful to have a hint of qualification here and there to justify the judge's final choice you also have to ensure that everyone leaves with their heads held high.
Knowing students of form would have put a big bet on Shelina Permalloo a while ago. "I don't think she's just trying to win MasterChef," Wallace said when she unveiled her final menu of Mauritian octopus salad, mutton curry and mango cannelloni. "She wants to marry me." Judging from his reaction to her food in recent weeks he wouldn't say no if she asked, but it wasn't just that she appeared to already have one of the judges in the bag before the final began. Nobody could seem to think of a way to spin the tension out for her. Tom's timing was an issue that could be talked up in the preamble, and Andrew's fatal tendency to over-complicate his dishes (which sunk him after he'd decided that it was time to correct the world's wilful conviction that lobster and strawberry isn't a happy marriage). But Shelina almost never looked ruffled or unsettled.
While they played the sort of music that accompanies the reunion of a boy with his long-lost horse, we were made to wait for the final announcement. Shelina had the grace to look astonished, but I don't think anyone else was.
Artists unveils new exhibition inspired by Hastings beachart
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 I was a Woman Against Feminism too
- 2 Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer released: First look at Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey
- 3 Is Gideon Levy the most hated man in Israel or just the most heroic?
- 4 Students offered grants if they tweet pro-Israeli propaganda
- 5 Israel has discovered that it's no longer so easy to get away with murder in the age of social media
Comic-Con 2014: Sherlock's Benedict Cumberbatch and Game of Thrones' George RR Martin set to attend
Hercules, review: Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson takes centre stage in preposterous movie
Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer released: First look at Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey
Can Secret Cinema sell 80,000 'Back to the Future' tickets?
George R. R. Martin responds to 13-year-old fan's 'heartfelt' letter asking for a grisly death in Game of Thrones
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Vladimir Putin is given 'one last chance' to end hostilities in Ukraine
The 'scroungers’ fight back: The welfare claimants battling to alter stereotypes
The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Ukrainian military jet was flying close to passenger plane before it was shot down, says Russian officer
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Massive rise in sale of British arms to Russia
Arizona execution lasts two hours as killer Joseph Wood left 'snorting and gasping' for air