Channel 4's documentary offering of the evening was a study not of international shame but of those haunting cringer moments that only an adolescent can truly understand. Diary of a Teenage Virgin filmed eight teenagers over the course of one hot, hormonal summer as they contemplated having sex for the first time.
Ellis, 15, from Surrey, met her boyfriend Ryan online two weeks ago, and she feels like he might be the one to do it with (clue: he definitely isn't); 17-year-old Connor from West Yorkshire watches six to seven hours of porn a week, sometimes on his newly purchased 70-inch projector screen, for a treat; and Ben, 14, from Essex, has received some dubious advice on, um, personal topiary from his best friend Mason's dad.
If I had my way none of them would be allowed to even hold hands with a prospective sex partner until they'd turned 28, read the entire works of Simone de Beauvoir, and saved up enough for a deposit on their first home. Failing that, there's always that time-honoured underage sex deterrent, which Bailey's fearless mum employed with aplomb – the awkward "birds and the bees" discussion: "Obviously you know what sex is, but do you think you'd go straight in for the kill? Or would you have foreplay?" Arrgh! Muuuum!