When cleanliness is Creativity: next to usefulness

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The Independent Culture
THIS lecture on creative uses for a twin-tub washing machine falls cleanly into five parts: washing, spinning, cooking, containing and miscellaneous. We take them in that order, with particular thanks to the consortium from Landau Forte College, Derby (LFCD):

Washing: If the tubs are identical, says Tim Morris, they can be used for the clothes of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, presumably to avoid the need for name-tags. Install in Conservative Party headquarters one tub for 'John Major's eggy suits', the other 'to launder any money donated by tainted sources' (Andrew Wyatt).

Spinning: A DIY concrete mixer, or ice-cream maker, suggests A Innes, while Beverley Atkins Smart believes they are a boon to anyone prone to overwatering plants: place the pots in the twin-tub and spin dry when over-watered.

Cooking: Cook and drain pasta, says Charles Spiers. Marinading steak for a large barbeque, then spinning off the excess, say John and Fiona Earle. Their second twin-tub is a cheese-maker, churning in one half and spinning off the whey and buttermilk in the other. Curry in one, rice in the other, says B A Smart. However, Roy Naylor's neighbour Rashid warns us that anything cooked in a twin-tub is liable to come out with froth on top.

Containing: Sunk into a hole in the ground, it makes a fine wine cellar, one tub for red, one for white; or stuck in a tree on its side as a one- up, one-down maisonette for a large bird (both Hannah Kynaston). A bran-tub and ice-cream container at village fete, says Mollie Caird.

Miscellaneous: Nicholas Gough proposes it be plumbed into Albert Square's launderette as a memorial to Dot Cotton of EastEnders. front- feet warmer for an elephant, says R Bannerman. Reverse connections to make an electricity generator powered by small animals; or remove tubs and use as hair rollers for yaks; or use as a novelty outfit for Madonna; or a dual chemical toilet 'for those intimate moments'; or push off a cliff 477.76 metres high and wait for 9.87 seconds to check last week's suggestion (all LFCD). Finally, both LFCD and and Diana Troy suggest washing clothes, while John Lanyon points out their use in flooding the kitchen.

This week's challenge to your creativity is the bone removed from a filleted fish. Suggestions to Creativity, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB.

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