When Dad's left holding the baby

A Family Affair

Actor Owen Whittaker met Lucinda Edmonds when they played the couple in a DIY commercial. When acting work dried up, they got into terrible debt. The bank was about to foreclose when Lucinda landed a three-novel deal. Soon afterwards she discovered she was pregnant, and they decided Owen should look after the baby. His novel about the experience, The House Husband, is published this week by Orion.

Owen

I was a professional actor before I was a writer, and I had a fairly high profile - I was commercials king. But by the time Harry was born, in the early 1990s, the recession was upon us and the work just dried up. It was an absolute financial disaster. I was in my mid-thirties by then, and I wasn't likely to be a high-flyer in any other employment. I was too old to be a tea boy, and I'm no good at other things - I'm no good if anyone wants their shelves put up, unless they want them at a jaunty angle. I got loads of jobs - at a photocopier company, financial services - I could always get the jobs because I was very good at interviews, I'm an actor after all. But I just didn't fit the format. It was totally soul destroying.

Lucinda was also an actress, and things had started to dip for her, so she started to do the proper job thing. Then she got very sick, and couldn't do anything. I gave her a pen and pad and said "Go on, write."

By the time she got a three-book deal with Simon & Schuster, nothing was happening for me work wise. Harry was born about this time, and automatically I started looking after the baby. After all, she was working, and nobody was paying me.

Looking after the children made me feel useful again. But no matter how educated we are, our instincts take over: I wanted to go out hunting, bring the food home. I felt that I wasn't getting stimulus, my pride and self-esteem were low, but at the same time I was seeing my child take his first steps.

I thought it would be a solution, but I didn't realise it would be such a long time. It got bleaker. I wanted to get out there and have a career for myself, I wanted to buy my wife presents. I felt very inadequate. A lot of the time Lucinda was working at home. No one looks after a child like its mother; she would notice mistakes I made, and it was infuriating. She still points out my mistakes, and I make a joke of it, but I was a bit sensitive at the time and didn't find it quite so funny.

When Isabella was born, I was handed the new baby. It's hard for a mother to hand over a baby, but there were deadlines to meet. So I was the one who had to drag my butt out of bed in the middle of the night to pick up the screaming baby.

My in-laws were not happy that their son-in-law was not keeping their daughter. That's always been a bit touchy. Friends were a major problem. I didn't exactly announce it, but men would not get to grips with the idea: you are judged as a man by what you do, and then by what you earn. That was always a real problem for me. A lot of women wanted to know why you weren't out there working. At Tumble Tots and playgroups I was the odd one out: when females gather together, they like to have a pop at us chaps.

I had a lack of self-respect, not because I was playing with the kids or running the hoover around, but because I wasn't out there providing. It affects the nightly bun fight in the bedroom. I just didn't feel like much of a man.

We were never going to be the kind of parents who hired a nanny, but I didn't imagine it would be me who looked after them, or quite so long- term. It's not an experience I would have missed out on. But I don't know whether my pride would have let me carry on doing that forever.

She had to take the children to London for 10 days, and she encouraged me to start writing. In those 10 days, I wrote the first half of the first draft of my book.

Lucinda

I found out I was pregnant two hours before the launch of my first book. I went to the party in shock: it had happened much sooner than we thought. It was unfortunate timing. I had just been given this lucrative publishing deal, and Owen wasn't working.

Owen took a part-time Christmas job at Dillons, earning peanuts. When I met him he was an extremely talented actor, and selling copiers or working behind the desk at Dillons made him feel worse. I realised it would be better for him not to do it, when he could be at home and mind his child and his pride.

After Harry was born I was rushing around doing PR for the book. Initially I was relieved I wouldn't have to leave the baby with a stranger. I was very happy it was my husband, but I had always felt I wanted to be the primary carer. Looking at Owen dropping me off at the station with Harry in his seat in the back, I used to feel a little bit of envy.

There was one time when I was still breast-feeding and I had to go to a GMTV award lunch. After a while I phoned Owen and said "Please put the baby in the car and bring him here, I am about to die." I tell you it was better than sex.

I grew to trust him. Yes, I used to criticise him, still do. You still feel you do it better. In the early days, he'd put a baby grow on the wrong way round. Actually, today he put Isabella's dress on back to front. Domestically Owen was a disaster. He could not cook. But he was always wonderfully nurturing and loving.

It was a problem telling people. To me it's the same if my husband is starring on the West End stage or wiping my baby's bottom, but it made a difference to other people. My career took off at the moment Owen was subjugated, which made the contrast more stark. People would ring up and ask "Is that Mr Edmonds?" I hated it as well. I never said he was a house husband, I always said he's resting at the moment, he's caring for Harry.

With baby sick all down him and rubber gloves on he wasn't exactly Richard Gere. The males I'd meet were successful and smart, and I'd go home and there was my Owen with a baby in his arms. A man caring for a baby is extremely sexy, especially when he'd get up in the night and I didn't have to. Other mothers would be all flirty with him.

We did hibernate socially. When things aren't right in your house you can't face the world. Sometimes I'd say "Let's go out for dinner and put on a suit so you look like you're happy and successful."

Last year, I was thinking is it ever going to get better? I worried a lot about him being unfulfilled. We were so depressed, we had ground to a halt. The book had gone out, and we just thought it's never going to happen. We were at rock bottom, completely broke. That's when Owen got the phone call to say his book had been sold.

He didn't say anything for 24 hours. I was so ecstatic, while Owen just wandered around exactly as he had for the last six years. I don't think he believed it was over.

Maybe if we hadn't had children he would have had the time to get going sooner. There was never time for him to do what he wanted to do.

Interviews by Clare Longrigg

Arts and Entertainment
The crowd enjoy Latitude Festival 2014

music
Arts and Entertainment
'I do think a woman's place is eventually in the home, but I see no harm in her having some fun before she gets there.'

Is this the end of the Dowager Countess?tv
Arts and Entertainment
Chris Martin of Coldplay performs live for fans at Enmore Theatre on June 19, 2014 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)

music
Arts and Entertainment
Keith from The Office ten years on

tv
Arts and Entertainment
Maisie Williams prepares to enter the House of Black and White as Arya Stark in Game of Thrones season five

tv
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Taylor Swift won Best International Solo Female (Getty)

Brits 2015
Arts and Entertainment
Shining star: Maika Monroe, with Jake Weary, in ‘It Follows’
film review
Arts and Entertainment

Brits 2015
Arts and Entertainment
Paloma Faith arrives at the Brit Awards (Getty)

Brits 2015
Arts and Entertainment
Anne Boleyn's beheading in BBC Two's Wolf Hall

TV review
Arts and Entertainment
Follow every rainbow: Julie Andrews in 'The Sound of Music'
film Elizabeth Von Trapp reveals why the musical is so timeless
Arts and Entertainment
Bytes, camera, action: Leehom Wang in ‘Blackhat’
film
Arts and Entertainment
The Libertines will headline this year's festival
music
Arts and Entertainment
Richard Dean Anderson in the original TV series, which ran for seven seasons from 1985-1992
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Muscling in: Noah Stewart and Julia Bullock in 'The Indian Queen'

opera
Arts and Entertainment
Olivia Colman and David Tennant star in 'Broadchurch'

TVViewers predict what will happen to Miller and Hardy
Arts and Entertainment
Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright in season two of the series

Watch the new House of Cards series three trailer

TV
Arts and Entertainment
An extract from the sequel to Fight Club

books
Arts and Entertainment
David Tennant, Eve Myles and Olivia Colman in Broadchurch series two

TV Review
Arts and Entertainment
Old dogs are still learning in 'New Tricks'

TV
Arts and Entertainment
'Tonight we honour Hollywood’s best and whitest – sorry, brightest' - and other Neil Patrick Harris Oscars jokes

Oscars 2015It was the first time Barney has compered the Academy Awards

Arts and Entertainment
Patricia Arquette making her acceptance speech for winning Best Actress Award

Oscars 2015 From Meryl Streep whooping Patricia Arquette's equality speech to Chris Pine in tears

Arts and Entertainment

Oscars 2015 Mexican filmmaker uses speech to urge 'respect' for immigrants

Arts and Entertainment
Lloyd-Hughes takes the leading role as Ralph Whelan in Channel 4's epic new 10-part drama, Indian Summers

TV Review

The intrigue deepens as we delve further but don't expect any answers just yet
Arts and Entertainment
Jason Segal and Cameron Diaz star in Sex Tape

Razzies 2015 Golden Raspberry Awards 'honours' Cameron Diaz and Kirk Cameron

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

    Climate change key in Syrian conflict

    And it will trigger more war in future
    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
    Is this the way to get young people to vote?

    Getting young people to vote

    From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
    Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

    Poldark star Heida Reed

    'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
    The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

    The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

    Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
    Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

    Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

    Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers
    Head of WWF UK: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

    David Nussbaum: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

    The head of WWF UK remains sanguine despite the Government’s failure to live up to its pledges on the environment
    Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

    Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

    Set in a mythologised 5th-century Britain, ‘The Buried Giant’ is a strange beast
    With money, corruption and drugs, this monk fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’

    Money, corruption and drugs

    The monk who fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’
    America's first slavery museum established at Django Unchained plantation - 150 years after slavery outlawed

    150 years after it was outlawed...

    ... America's first slavery museum is established in Louisiana
    Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

    Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

    The first 'American Idol' winner on how she manages to remain her own woman – Jane Austen fascination and all
    Tony Oursler on exploring our uneasy relationship with technology with his new show

    You won't believe your eyes

    Tony Oursler's new show explores our uneasy relationship with technology. He's one of a growing number of artists with that preoccupation
    Ian Herbert: Peter Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

    Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

    The England coach leaves players to find solutions - which makes you wonder where he adds value, says Ian Herbert
    War with Isis: Fears that the looming battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

    The battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

    Aid agencies prepare for vast exodus following planned Iraqi offensive against the Isis-held city, reports Patrick Cockburn