Are you a smug cyclist or a complete amateur? Take our cycling quiz to find out...
Self-satisfaction comes as part-and-parcel of getting on a bike – you're saving money, you're saving the NHS money, you're saving the planet. But how far gone are you?
Sunday 23 March 2014
You'd like do some more fine-tuning on your bike but…
(a) You pose an immediate threat with a spanner within five yards of you, so instead you promptly and correctly take the bike to your nearest workshop.
(b) The oil stains from last time didn't come out of the dining-room carpet quite as well as you promised your partner they would.
(c) You're too busy updating Facebook with pictures of your new mountain bike and the words "Dialling in my epiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic new ride. Boom."
Your car is…
(a) A five-year-old Ford Focus. Why?
(b) Worth less than my bike.
(c) History. See you at the Critical Mass ride?
An elderly driver very nearly pulls out right in front of you…
(a) You swerve, and feel a bit shaky at the next lights – the poor geezer looked as terrified as you.
(b) You stop, swear loudly and shake your head in a way that you just know shames the driver and every road user within half-a-mile.
(c) You high-five yourself that you turned on your helmet-cam before setting off. That old git's face is gonna be all over the web once you get this clip up on Twitter.
Wow, that's a fancy new upgrade on your bike!
(a) I know! Tyres with real air in them!
(b) The lights? The longer I ride, the more of them I add. It's a safety thing.
(c) Yeah, scored these deep-dish racing wheels out of a skip, actually? Had to fight off a couple of Japanese student dudes for them.
Read more: The rise of the female cyclist
Freddie Flintoff's 1,200km Amazon rainforest bike ride
When did mountain biking do downhill?
How I fell in love with the Tour de France
You don't have a cycling related tattoo, do you?
(a) No, are you mad?
(b) No, are you insane?
(c) Of course I do.
At the traffic lights, the best place to position yourself on a bike is…
(a) As far away from the lorries as I can get.
(b) Directly in front of that wazzock in the full Team Sky kit.
(c) Across the pedestrian crossing bit, headphones on, iPod out, teeing up a mahoosif tune for the last mile home.
You almost caused a big pile-up at that last roundabout because…
(a) Tumps did a wee in the front basket, naughty doggy!
(b) You dropped your skinny flat white writing that last tweet.
(c) All of the above.
You're just back from a lovely Sunday ride. Do you…
(a) Put the bike in the shed for another three months and lie down for quite a long time.
(b) Update Facebook with the words: "Just call me Wiggo!"
(c) Ignore your co-riders while you pore over an iPhone analysing your Strava Pro data with a double macchiato.
How many gears do you have?
(a) Slow and dead stop.
(b) 22: 11-speed cassette with compact double front chainring.
(c) Fixed gear, buddy. It's a state of mind.
You've got a brand new saddle, but you're worried that…
(a) It's going to get nicked like the last one.
(b) It's going to hurt – it's slightly "sportier" than you're used to.
(c) It's charcoal grey and doesn't match your black bar tape and black wheels – you're going to be the laughing stock of the next Sunday ride.
If you answered mostly:
(a) You may have forgotten where you last parked your bike. Or whether you even own a bike.
(b) Better. Promising moments of righteousness, let down by streaks of self-awareness.
(c) Congratulations – you are a truly smug cyclist, convinced that all other road users are mere extras in the gripping blockbuster that is your life in the saddle.
Human waste left by climbers on Mount Everest is causing pollution and could spread diseases
Woodpecker and weasel: This is what the photographer has to say about the incredible picture
Act now or rising seas will sink our country, Marshall Islanders tell the world
At long last, Australia is able to halt the relentless advance of the cane toad
Snowfalls are now just a thing of the past
Durham Free School: 'Creationism taught at' free school facing closure
Nearly 100,000 of Britain's poorest children go hungry after parents' benefits are cut
End of the licence fee: BBC to back radical overhaul of how it is funded
Nigel Farage promises Ukip will not 'stigmatise' would-be migrants – and says he wants 'everyone to speak the same language'
Ex-head of MI6: 'We shouldn't kid ourselves that Russia is on a path to democracy'
Most people think legal tax avoidance is just as wrong as illegal tax evasion, poll suggests
£16000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They are an award-winning digit...
£45000 - £55000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: Senior VMware Platform En...
£10000 - £16000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A distributor of specialist ele...
£17000 - £19000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A distributor of specialist ele...