Nigel the Murderer is not alone. We all have nicknames in 12-step recovery groups

Charlotte Cripps’s day has murder written all over it – and it’s not because of the mud the kids and dog are bringing into the flat

Muggles found a dagger in the shrubbery (Illustration by Amara May)

When Muggles came out of the bushes with a murder weapon, he became a local hero. It was a very long dagger with a tiger print handle. Presumably, it had the smell of blood for Muggles to be interested – he certainly wasn’t trying to save the children from stabbing themselves. Although he has been known to rescue them: barking up at my sister Rebecca’s stairs, alerting me that Lola was about to fall down them, and running under the table to try to catch Liberty as she fell off a chair. Deep down I know he wishes to be rid of them so he can reprise his role as top dog; sleeping next to me, his paw on my shoulder, as he did as a puppy just after Alex died.

It was slightly alarming because Muggles found it in the shrubbery where Lola and Liberty always play. Coincidentally, it was just after I saw “Nigel the Murderer”, a fellow recovering addict from 12-step meetings, who spent three decades in prison after bludgeoning somebody to death with a sledgehammer while in blackout. He was walking his terrier. I desperately tried to avoid a conversation with him because I was standing with a yummy mummy and her son Indigo and I couldn’t face having my anonymity blown with some comment like: “Are you still going to meetings? I haven't seen you in a while. Are you… you know… OK?”  

Remember when I came in and I was six stone and shaking; I’m now 10 stone – do I look like I’m on drugs?