Why don’t other mums care about socially distancing their kids?

With tensions running high in the local park, Charlotte Cripps recalls a time and place when it was less gentrified

(Illustration by Amara May)

Why is my local park suddenly heaving with yummy mummies? I never usually see them here – it’s always just the nannies. But since lockdown has eased, it’s like walking into a cocktail party. It’s not exactly a posh park in North Kensington but there are some very expensive houses in the surrounding streets. You only have to look on Rightmove to see the difference one street can make to the price tag and its inhabitants. It’s like yummy-mummy central. But why haven’t I spotted these mums before?

Were they at lunches, the gym, and nail bars before coronavirus hit? God knows, but they don’t seem to care about social distancing their children. As a result, I’ve been having terrible clashes with them about the two-metre rule. One mum stormed off when I applied antibacterial gel to Liberty’s arm after her child had licked mine like she was an ice cream. She told me it was offensive?

I was baffled, especially as I had been so nice earlier when her child had dive-bombed me. Having never met them before, I made a sweet joke saying it was “like the opposite of social distancing”. The week before, a little boy kept trying to push Lola off her scooter as they played chase and when I asked him nicely to stop doing it as we needed to socially distance, he burst into tears.