Why cheating doesn't have to doom your marriage, according to relationship therapist

'Many affairs are break-ups, but some affairs are make-ups'

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Finding out that your partner has cheated is the ultimate betrayal. You’re likely to feel angry, shocked and understandably hurt.

But, does an affair really have to be the end? It seems not.

While you might feel ashamed or embarrassed for considering staying with someone that has deceived you, one relationship expert says that infidelity doesn’t mean you should call it quits.

In fact, she says it could even make you stronger as a couple.

Originally from Antwerp, Esther Perel is a US based sex and relationship therapist who believes that cheating can be healthy because it makes people take stock of their marriage.

“Many affairs are break-ups, but some affairs are make-ups,” Perl told The Guardian.

Although she doesn’t defend adultery, Perel - who is releasing a new book on the subject called The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity – believes that when it does happen, divorce shouldn’t be the only option.

“I think people should be able to determine for themselves the choices that they will make and the consequences thereof,” she says.

“To just push people to divorce and to think that divorce is always the better solution when it dissolves all the family bonds… Entire lives are intertwined with a marriage.”

The therapist also insists that cheating could actually help improve a relationship because it makes couples deal with their problems.

“Sometimes the relationship that comes out is stronger, and more honest and deeper than the one that existed before because people finally step up.”

According to Perel, Research indicates a 40 per cent jump in the number of women having affairs since 1990, while men’s rates have held steady.

Earlier this month, additional data accumulated by Ashley Madison - an extramarital affairs dating site – revealed that a staggering 99 per cent of men admitted to either cheating or contemplating cheating.

While on the other side of the coin, 39 per cent of women said they had cheated on a partner and 35 per cent admitted to considering it.