Ciao Baby: Throw out your high-heeled sneakers

Murmurings that the stiletto heel will make a come-back have been growing since last year. However, albeit endorsed by fashion bible, US Vogue, people haven't rushed out to adopt the latest heel. They are either immobilised from a recent dancing spree in six-inch heel hell, or stilettoes just aren't a good idea.

The stiletto still pinpoints sex. It is worn by femme fatales in films, and is sometimes even used as a device for murder - making it the ultimate poison which combines danger and sex. A male fantasy with knobs on, men murmur to persuade girlfriends to do the suspenders and high-heel look. Unfortunately for women, these knobs are the strange lumps and bumps that inevitably arise from trying to squeeze your foot into a shape nature never intended.

The prevalence of this fantasy makes Steve Coogan's incarnation Pauline Calf, as a good-time, bleached-blonde northern nymphet in white stilettoes, one of the most popular female parodies to date. We can do better than that - get in the moccasins, chuck out those stilettoes and make sure you aim good.