Coming up

From jabs to James Cameron ... a quirky look at the week ahead

Calling all vampires

"You won't feel a thing" is the unreassuring title of an exhibition opening in London on Friday which chronicles the history of medical needles. Exhibits include vicious looking 18th-century enema syringes and a piece of hide from the cow that Edward Jenner used as the source for his smallpox vaccine. Admission is free but one person you will not see rushing to The Wellcome Trust's jab celebration is Daily Mail gossip columnist Nigel Dempster. Mr Dempster, who was found guilty of drink-driving last week, made his predicament more complicated by refusing to give police a blood sample on the grounds that he had a phobia of needles, he said giving blood was like "legalised Vampirism".

Engine tuning

There will be no drink-drivers in Manchester's Albert Square on Saturday lunchtime. As part of the World Music Festival which begins this week, 20 cars will park in the square to perform a work by Stephen Montague entitled "Horn Concerto for Orchestra of Automobiles." More used to working with the likes of the London Symphony Orchestra, Mr Montague has been rehearsing with the vehicular ensemble, which will perform with horns, engines, wipers, indicators and alarms. Mr Montague says he is well aware of the dangers of working with star-struck motors. He carefully auditioned each vehicle to check the timbre of their horns when nervous. One soloist to watch for in the fast lane of orchestral fame will be the newly discovered virtuoso Nissan which performs with a two-tone horn.

No-smoking House

Politicians will soon be in tune with the health-conscious and PC among us. This week is the last where MPs will be allowed to sneak off to the House of Commons' loos for a quick smoke. From next Monday the smoking restrictions in the House will be extended from a ban covering public sessions and committees to one affecting a large part of the House, including the lavatories. Marion Roe MP, Chairman of The Commons Administration Committee which is introducing the ban, said that responsibility for enforcement would probably rest with members themselves.

Unsinkable auction

You have seen the movie, fallen in love with Leo and Kate. Now is your chance to buy a real piece of the action. Titanic fever continues to float this week, with an auction of collectors' items related to the ill-fated ship. Wednesday is the 86th anniversary of the tragedy, and on Friday in Southampton, auctioneers Onslow's will sell a variety of memorabilia, including a letter sent on headed paper from on board the boat - expected to fetch up to pounds 4,000. Tucked away among such personal effects is lot 74 which isn't exactly antique. With an estimate of pounds 80, it is a photocopy of a screenplay by a certain Mr James Cameron.