Creativity

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Two weeks ago, readers were deprived of their dose of Tuesday Creativity. With great foresight, however, I had asked for ideas of things to do without Creativity. And that has resulted in a partial answer to one of the oldest puzzles known to readers of this column: Why does Sian Cole put her circumflex on the "i" instead of the "a"? With no creative challenge to concentrate her libido on, Ms Cole has supplied the answer herself: "Normally my accent is over the `a' as in Sian, but I've mutated it to Sian because the i looks like an ... ". Unfortunately the end of the sentence is obscured by what looks like a long black balloon attached to her letter which Ms Cole tells us is liquorice-flavoured.

Geoffrey Langley writes: "Since the absence of Creativity will leave a nice virgin rectangle, they suggest that rather than filling it up with tosh it should be: 1) impregnated with lemon-scented cleaning fluid to make The Independent the world's first self-cleaning newspaper; 2) cut diagonally in twain, half to symbolise the Canary Wharf Triangle, scene of the unexplained disappearance of so many last lines [and, one might add, editors], and half to use as a safety ramp for handicapped paper tigers.

RJ Pickles is having philosophical problems with the concept of creating things to do without creativity. Len Clarke was going to rewrite the Bible, starting: "In the beginning, God ... didn't". So he didn't, but pondered instead the fact that if God hadn't got around to creating headaches, Sian Cole would have to play on Sundays as well. Ken Medd is also concerned about Ms Cole's well-being, fearing that "she will be in danger of becoming rusty" since "her well-being clearly revolves around pro-creative activity."

Maria Treadwell writes: "I would be forever impressed if you revealed the remarkable fact that `An absence of creativity' is a bona fide anagram of `Fanny cavities create BO'."

Nicholas E Gough sent us a picture of Edvard Munch's The Scream, with another picture of Edvard Munch's The Scream on its other side. Daniel Holloway suggests swapping an absence of creativity with any duplicate absence of ignorance held by other absence collectors. Or, he says, you could enter it for the Turner Prize. "Dilute with water and use as a garden weedkiller," says Duncan Bull.

Bruce Birchall has composed an epic poem: "On the Absence of Creativity", of which our favourite lines are: "Without you, Creative Cookery courses couldn't try to be creative but would have to stick to the syllabub" and "Without you, Black Magic would be just a box of very ordinary chocolates with a silly name."

Magy Higgs was also moved (as usual) to verse, including the lines:

The drear space between Monday and Wednesday, when laundry and shopping are done

Was made bearable only be reading, then writing this specialised fun.

Ian Hurdley had to summon up all his fecundity, imagination, ingenuity, inventiveness and originality to produce a sheet of blank paper recording his blank expressions in blank verse. Mike Gifford suggests writing a sexy, all-revealing war book on El Alamein entitled "The Full Monty". Susan Tomes writes: "Without Creativity, I would ... oh damn, I can't think of anything."

Jack and Renee Dolan have no ideas for coping with this grave crisis and do not even explain their grave accent on Renee. Geoffrey Langley writes again to say: "Referring to my earlier remarks, please delete the word `tosh' and substitute `text however witty and erudite'."

Chambers Dictionary prizes to Geoffrey Langley, Duncan Bull and Nicholas E Gough. Next week, what to do with the drunken sailor. Meanwhile, we seek things to do with banks on bank holidays. Ideas welcome at: "Creativity, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL.

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