Dear Andre Agassi

Click to follow
Indy Lifestyle Online
How I wish I could be present on the Centre Court at Wimbledon, rather than stuck here at my word-processor, to inspect the way the light glints from your now hairless legs. I quite like the baggy white shorts, too.

In truth, we fans dont mind what degree of hairiness or hairlessness you choose to adopt: hairy chest or waxed chest, fuzzy legs or aerodynamically trim pins.

Even facial stubble, which could be a sticking-point for those of us who detest men with beards, seems quite acceptable when its yours.

No wonder, in a poll last week, you were voted the sexiest man in the world. I hear a massive bag of fan mail was delivered to you at Wimbledon yesterday. I wonder how many letters Jim Courier gets?

And at least you havent made any changes to your trademark straggly blondish hair and sweatband/baseball cap: they are such a relief after the hard and sharp little crew-cuts of your mechanistic and boring opponents.

A touch of true-to-life messiness never harmed anyone. It also helps to distinguish you from the automata on the other side of the net.

The important thing is that you are a world-class star over here, in Britain, adding much-needed glamour and personality to the proceedings. You just radiate an aura of Hollywood, a smooth Las Vegas showmans confidence in your talent.

You hate to lose, but you dont get nasty and throw tantrums. OK, thats not strictly true, but at least you dont sulk.

Unlike all those mixed-up, over-coached young American female players, you dont seem tortured by your choice of career: you seem to enjoy playing tennis. And you all too evidently have a love life as well: your only problem seems to be which woman to date.

We were all agog to see Barbra Streisand over here to back you last year. And if Brooke Shields, your current girlfriend, manages to make it this year, well be delighted.

Your game is one of skill, characterised by a huge repertoire of shots that result in good old-fashioned rallies which hold our attention. You are such a welcome contrast to Pete Sampras, who uses his powerful serve to demolish opponents and alienate viewers. Unreturnable aces at speeds in excess of 120mph are terrific, but hardly conducive to great spectator tennis.

I just hope you overcome your No 12 seeding and make it all the way to the final on Sunday week. Last years was terribly dull without you. I cant even remember who was in it.

And when your professional career is over, you could always open a beauty salon.

Your sincere fan,

(Photograph omitted)