Being Modern: Tattoos
Sunday 15 July 2012
We, at Being Modern, may be no Ben Goldacres, but we nevertheless maintain a healthy scepticism towards the scientific studies that occasionally ping on to our news radar. Such was the case a couple of weeks back vis-à-vis a story suggesting nearly one in three people regret their tattoos, a statistic apparently gleaned from a survey of East Lancashire dermatology patients.
Now we hate to cast aspersions on the populace of that fine region, but how long have they been labouring under a rock exactly? Otherwise, they would surely know that far from being epidermal errors, tattoos are the very emblem of sophisticated living these days. And where once body-branding was the cultural preserve of sailors, gap-yah casualties, and assorted scary folk, now everyone – from Ascot ladies to Wimbledon players, Justin Bieber to Felicity Kendal – is inking up, providing as it does the perfect expression of "I'm free-spirited, me."
Which is not to say there aren't some fundamental precepts to consider. First and foremost, under no circumstances should you opt for a Chinese symbol: cod-mysticism went out with Kula Shaker and what you thought represented love and understanding will inevitably translate as "pendulous dogs' testicles". Other certified no-nos include: Celtic armbands (too footballer-ish), anchors (too ironic) and cartoon characters (yes, we're looking at you Marc "Spongebob" Jacobs).
And, if you're worried that body art has lost some of its provocative cachet, then best to avoid the Mike Tyson-like facial tattoos – never an easy one to pass by mum, whatever your age – and head to the other end of the subtlety spectrum with a white-ink decoration. Favoured by the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss, they are barely visible to the naked eye and therefore the avant-garde acme of narcissistic pointlessness.
Of course, this is all assuming that you can bear the pain of the needle. Otherwise, we hear Barbie does an estimable range of sticker tats these days.
Life & Style blogs
This restaurant has misunderstood the concept of 'cheese and biscuits'
Tinder Plus: premium service launches, charging much more for those over 28
My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin: How I outwitted the Gestapo
Drinking three to five cups of a coffee a day could reduce risk of heart attacks, study finds
Running test reveals whether you will die in the next decade
- 1 Bill Clinton portrait features Monica Lewinsky reference, artist admits
- 2 Delhi bus rapist blames dead victim for attack because 'girls are responsible for rape'
- 3 Pornhub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
- 4 Have sex with your iPad thanks to the new sex toy no-one asked for
- 5 Average penis size revealed: Scientists attempt to find what is 'normal' to reassure concerned men
£28000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A fantastic opening has arisen ...
£28000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An exciting opportunity has ari...
£25000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A successful professional services firm is lo...
Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: Join a worldwide leader in data-driven marketi...